1 Month

Caleb,

It's been one month since you were born and made my dreams of being a mommy come true. This month has been the hardest of my life and to say I'm exhausted is an understatement. You're the hardest job I've ever had, little man, and despite all of the tears, frustration and feelings of inadequacy I wouldn't trade it for the world. We're still learning each other and figuring this whole thing out.

I am so thankful for your father. They say a baby doesn't make a marriage or relationship stronger, that if you don't have a strong foundation a baby can tear a couple apart. Well, Caleb.... You have definitely given us a run for our money this month, but we've held it together. When I can't handle it any more and don't know what else to do, your father is there, eager to help me and learn with me. There have been plenty of nights where one of us loses it and can't handle it, but the other person has managed to keep it together and take care of you. I don't know what I'd do without your dad. I am so thankful for him. You are truly lucky to have such an awesome, loving, caring and devoted father. 

We've made it a whole month breastfeeding and we've had some bumps in the road, but we're working them out. I'm committed to sticking with it despite all the pain and frustration because I know it will pass and things will get better. It's the best thing for you and me and one thing you'll learn soon enough is that your momma doesn't give up when things get hard or rough. I'm pretty stubborn and hard headed. 

You have grown so much this month, it's amazing. It scares me how fast time is going and how much you've changed in one month. You are so much more alert now and although you don't quite make eye contact with us yet, you definitely pay more attention to me and your dad when we talk to you. I've gotten a few genuine smiles out of you this last week and it's the most adorable thing ever. You can lift your head pretty well, but sometimes it's still pretty wobbly. Understandably so though- you've got one big head kid. You roll from one side to the other and don't care for tummy time much, but we're working on it. You love bath time and get so relaxed in the tub. You also love your car seat and car rides. If you're fussy, you usually calm down within 5 seconds of being in your car seat/in the car. You also love to eat and make the weirdest noises when you nurse. We call you our little pterodactyl and constantly laugh at all of your noises. You don't like waiting more than a few seconds to eat and have developed actual tears. You like to fight your sleep quite a bit and sleep for 2-3 hours in between feedings. We've had a few 4 hour stretches, but I think we're still a few weeks away from those being the norm. 

Caleb, you are an amazing baby and have made me so proud. You are beautiful, handsome, strong and the perfect little baby for us. Thank you for being mine. I love you more than you'll ever know. 

Momma