And just like that....

It's over.  Dr. Norian called me this afternoon and told me my hormone levels have dropped to 7. There is nothing that can be done at this point. It's obvious that the embryo or embryos implanted, but for some reason or another my body didn't continue to accept it/them. He wants me to stop all my medication and have us come in to meet with him to talk about what happened and what we can do to improve our chances next time.  So, our appointment is scheduled for Wednesday at 1pm.

I'm devastated and heartbroken. I've been mourning this since we got the phone call on Monday. I wanted to believe everything was going to be okay and things would get better, but I knew in my heart this was going to be the outcome. It hurts knowing at least one of our embryos started implanting and then for whatever reason, just didn't make it. Having a positive pregnancy test and hearing my doctor tell me I'm pregnant with low HcG levels hurts so much more than just getting a negative test all together. Knowing what could have been really sucks. 

I refuse to give up and call it quits. We know that it is possible for this to work, we just don't know why it didn't this time. We will never know or even come close to understanding why we were chosen to go through this and experience such unimaginable heart break over the last 3 1/2 years. We have been through so much together and more than most people will ever even know. We have grown closer over the last month and a half and I don't think we have ever felt so much love for one another. And for that, I'm thankful. 

I want nothing more than to be a mommy and make Chris a daddy, to have our parents be grandparents and our siblings be an aunt and uncle. It hurts knowing the grief they are experiencing and how much others are hurting for us. We will be doing another IVF cycle with our frozen embryos, I just don't know when. I guess we will know more after Wednesday. But for now, we will try to laugh and smile through the tears and find peace in knowing this is not the end for us. 

Alissha