15 weeks

How far along? 15 weeks

Baby is the size of a: Navel Orange

Total weight gain: 4 pounds

Stretch marks? Just the one on my boob!

Maternity clothes? If my belly band counts, then yes. 

Sleep: Still only getting up once to go pee, but I'm definitely tossing and turning more this week. 

Best moment this week: Finding out the biopsy taken from my left tonsil came back benign! All is well. 

Miss anything? Definitely sushi...

Food cravings: I haven't had any legit cravings so far, only things that sound  good. Towards the end of this week my appetite has started to go away and nothing sounds good to eat. 

Anything making you queasy or sick? Nope! 

Gender: We find out next Friday!! 

Labor signs: Hopefully not for a very long time! 

Symptoms: Peeing all the time, gassy, burpy, still getting those sharp pains inside my hip bones if I get up too fast, turn a certain way or sneeze hard and my back has started to hurt during the day. Last Sunday, at church we had to leave early because I thought I was going to pass out. Out of nowhere I broke out in a sweat all over my body and felt super dizzy. As soon as we walked outside and I got some cool air I felt better though. 

Belly button in or out?  In.

Wedding rings on or off: On.

Happy or moody most of the time: Happy.... With a little bit of sassyness.

Looking forward to: Our gender ultrasound next Friday! I'm so anxious to find out what this little nugget is! 

Alissha 

14 Weeks

How far along? 14 weeks!! Officially in the 2nd Trimester! 

Baby is the size of a: Lemon

Total weight gain: 4 pounds

Stretch marks? Just the one on my boob!

Maternity clothes? No, but my jeans are getting pretty snug around my waist. 

Sleep: Pretty decent, only waking up to go pee!

Best moment this week: Finally being out of the 1st Trimester.

Miss anything? Nope!

Food cravings: Hot wings, fresh fruit smoothies, V8 tomato juice, still loving pickles and cereal.

Anything making you queasy or sick? Nope! 

Gender: No idea! I really want a boy, so it's probably a girl! 

Labor signs: Hopefully not for a very long time! 

Symptoms: I'm definitely peeing a lot more this week, hungry all the time- I can't get enough snacks throughout the day, gassy, burpy, still getting those sharp pains inside my hip bones if I get up too fast, turn a certain way or sneeze hard and my back has started to hurt if I lay certain ways. 

Belly button in or out?  In.

Wedding rings on or off: On.

Happy or moody most of the time: Happy this week! 

Looking forward to: Finding out the gender on the 23rd!!!

Alissha 

13 weeks

How far along? 13 weeks!!

Baby is the size of a: Peach

Total weight gain: 4 pounds

Stretch marks? Just the one on my boob!

Maternity clothes?  No, but my jeans are getting pretty snug around my waist. 

Sleep: Pretty decent this week, only waking up to go pee!

Best moment this week: Seeing our baby on the 31st! 

Miss anything? Nope!

Food cravings: My normal appetite is starting to come back, so fresh fruit and veggies have been on my list. Fresh fruit smoothies, V8 tomato juice, still loving pickles and cereal.

Anything making you queasy or sick? Nope! I'm so thankful that baby has treated me well and not given me horrible morning sickness. I've felt nauseous less than a handful of times. 

Gender: No idea! I really want a boy, so it's probably a girl! 

Labor signs: Hopefully not for a very long time! 

Symptoms: Hungry, bloated, gassy, burpy, still getting those sharp pains inside my hip bones if I get up too fast, turn a certain way or sneeze hard and my back has started to hurt if I lay certain ways. 

Belly button in or out?  In.

Wedding rings on or off: On.

Happy or moody most of the time: A mixture of both, but I have been getting pretty snappy lately. 

Looking forward to: Finding out the gender on the 23rd!!!

I feel like so much has happened this week. First off, Happy New Year! Thank God 2014 is over and we're turning a new page. 2014 was probably, by far, one of the most emotionally draining and stressful years for us as a couple and individually. We realized how strong we are, recognized our weaknesses and dealt with some pretty tough things in 2014. While 2014 brought us the biggest blessing ever, we are happy so say good riddance to 2014 and move forward. 2015 is going to be an amazing year filled with many more blessings and we cannot wait! 

On Wednesday, I had two doctor's appointments and thankfully Chris was able to go to both with me! My first appointment was with an Ear, Nose and Throat doctor to have a lump I've had on my left tonsil looked at. My left tonsil has been enlarged for over a year and I've seen my regular doctor for it. We thought it may be enlarged due to the sinus infections I was getting, so I went on a couple of rounds of antibiotics in January 2014. They didn't help the lump and since it didn't hurt and wasn't causing any difficulty swallowing or anything, I kind of just ignored it. Well, over the last month it started to change. I decided I needed to see an ENT and have it looked at, especially since I'm pregnant. I'll leave out the gory details and pictures, but it turned out to be a cyst on my tonsil. The ENT doctor drained it and sent a sample to pathology to make sure there's nothing else going on. My tonsil went down significantly and didn't even hurt afterwards. Maybe I have a high pain tolerance. I go back in 2 weeks for a follow up to make sure all is well. There is a chance the cyst could come back and if it does, it'll get drained again. If it becomes bothersome, I may need a tonsillectomy after baby comes. 

My second appointment was with my OB GYN. It was my first pre-natal appointment with him and I assumed all that would be done was a pelvic exam and the doppler to hear the baby's heart beat since the receptionist told me they wouldn't do an ultrasound. Well my doctor definitely did the pelvic exam, gave me orders for blood work and then told me he was going to do an ultrasound! We were so excited and I was so thankful Chris was able to make it. The last time we saw baby was at 10 weeks and my has it grown since! It looks like a baby and not a gummy bear! The doctor tried doing vaginal ultrasound, but the pictures weren't that great so I had my first ultrasound done on my belly. Baby was moving around sooooo much it was hard for the doctor to get the heartbeat. When he did, baby's heart beat was 153 which has gone down since 10 weeks when it was 161. We were able to see baby's spine and developed arms and legs. It's hard to believe it's only about 3 inches long and almost fully developed. During the ultrasound it looked like baby was sucking it's thumb already. It was truly amazing. 

Another thing we talked about at my appointment, and Chris and I have talked about since we found out we were expecting, is pre-natal screenings for genetic abnormalities and disorders. When we were with Dr. Norian he wanted us to get the Panorama Screening done to test for things such as Down Syndrome, Spina Bifida and Trisomy 13 and we decided not to. My OB GYN also talked to us about these tests and we have opted not to do these tests for several reasons. The first being that these tests are not 100% accurate and could give you a false positive. Second, Chris and I have no family history of birth defects or genetic abnormalities and we had genetic screening done on us prior to starting IVF. We are not carriers for the same recessive genes which pretty much guarantees our children will not have those specified disorders. And the last and most important reason for us is that we tried for so long to have this little blessing, that no matter what we will love it and care for it. If the screenings came back with abnormalities, so what. We do not believe in aborting the pregnancy just because there "may" be an abnormality. A life is a life and we will love our baby no matter what. 

My next pre-natal appointment is on January 29th. I think my OB-GYN said I'll see him every 2 weeks in my 2nd trimester and then once a week in my 3rd trimester.  Around the 20 week mark, I'll have the anatomy ultrasound done and a test done on the baby's heart. My doctor said studies have shown that baby's conceived via IVF have a slightly higher chance of having abnormalities with their heart. I don't really know why and my doctor didn't give an explanation. So, that's the latest and greatest! My energy is starting to come back so now I have no excuse to not be active and go to the gym more often! 

Alissha 

12 Weeks! Holy moly!

How far along? 12 weeks!!

Baby is the size of a: Large Plum

Total weight gain: About 3 pounds.

Stretch marks? Just the one on my boob!

Maternity clothes?  No, but my jeans are getting pretty snug around my waist. 

Sleep: Pretty decent this week, only waking up to go pee!

Best moment this week: Getting our doppler so we can listen to the baby's heartbeat whenever we want! 

Miss anything? Not this week.

Food cravings: Pickles, Cereal, Pepperocinis, Flaming Hot Cheetos with Limon (awful, I know!) Pretty much anything spicy, salty or sour is delicious right now. 

Anything making you queasy or sick? Nope!

Gender: No idea! I really want a boy, so it's probably a girl! 

Labor signs: Hopefully not for a very long time! 

Symptoms: Hungry, bloated, moody, and dizzy off and on. I've gotten some pretty bad gas pains this week and pulling pains on the inside of my hip bones. I assume it's due to things growing and expanding. The bloat has been insane this week. Last night I looked like I was 6 months pregnant! 

Belly button in or out?  In.

Wedding rings on or off: On.

Happy or moody most of the time: 

Definitely moody. 

Looking forward to: Being out of the 1st Trimester, our first pre-natal appointment with my OB-GYN and finding out the baby's gender! 

Merry Christmas everyone! I hope you have a great day spending it with family and friends! 

We have an appointment set for our 3D/4D gender ultrasound! January 23rd cannot come any sooner! I am so anxious to find out what we're having. I'll be 16 weeks then and should definitely be able to see the goods.... If baby cooperates! 

This week I got my first head cold since I've been pregnant. It's been awful and I've just felt so crummy. I tried really hard not to take anything, but needed some relief so I took some Sudafed (yes, it's safe).  I've also been using my Neti-Pot which has made a world of difference. I hope it goes away quickly because I absolutely hate being a mouth breather. 

Have a great day everyone!! 

Alissha 

First Ultrasound

Yesterday we had our first ultrasound to see how many babies we're expecting.  We were both pretty anxious to find out and while my gut instinct told me there was only one in my belly, Chris was positive there were two.  We got to our fertility clinic 10 minutes early and were taken back pretty quickly.  After a few minutes for me to get undressed (they did a transvaginal ultrasound), Dr. Norian came in, congratulated us again and asked how I was feeling.  He started doing the ultrasound and this is what we saw....

One perfect little bean with a heart rate of 109 beats per minute.  Dr. Norian was impressed that we were able to see the heart flicker and hear it because I was only 6 weeks, 1 day pregnant.  He said the heart probably started beating the day or night before.  Maybe that's why I was so exhausted the night before and went to bed at 7:30! We were ecstatic to see the heart beating and hear it.  It's such an amazing sound.  We got some video of it, but it's a little hard to hear and then Dr. Norian chimes in and says, "Baby Benson, coming to you soon" so it cuts down how much we can hear.  Hopefully at the next ultrasound, which is scheduled for November 25th, we'll get a better video of the heart.  Dr Norian was pleased with the size and shape of the gestational sack (the black blob around the baby) and the yolk sack next to the baby.

Seeing our baby made me feel so much more at ease. Knowing there's a heartbeat and hearing it made it seem so much more real.  Dr. Norian told me I could finish my current prescription for progesterone lozenges and then be done with them, but i'll need to continue my other medication (estrogen patch, estrogen pills and progesterone suppositories) until I'm 10 weeks.  I can do "light" activity which basically means walking and then as things progress i'll be able to do more.  He advised us to keep the pregnancy between the two of us until I'm 10 weeks.  Oops.  I really disagree with people who say you shouldn't announce your pregnancy until the end of the 1st trimester.  Why should it be kept such a secret just because there's a "what if".  I would want as much support as possible if the "what if" became a reality and why is there such taboo with it? So many couples go through loss and feel isolated when it happens to them because no one talks about it.  And with so many people knowing the struggle we've had over the last 3 years and 10 months, our journey through fertility treatments and IVF, it's kind of hard to keep it a secret.  I know we could have kept it all between us, but that wasn't what we chose.  Struggling with infertility is very hard and opening up to others has helped me with the process.

So there it is! Baby Benson is due July 9, 2015!

Alissha

Sticky thoughts!

This morning we had our second embryo transfer, but first frozen embryo transfer. We left the house at about 5:20 so we could be in Pasadena by 7 and although traffic was horrible, we were only about 5 minutes late. By the time we got to the clinic I had to pee.... Bad. For embryo transfers they like you to have a full bladder and since my bladder is the size of a walnut and gets full after a sip of water, I was ready to burst. 

They didn't call us back until a little after 7:30 and the nurse checked my bladder via ultrasound to make sure it was full, despite me telling her I was ready to pee my pants. When she checked, she thought my bladder may have been too full and asked me if I would be able to release a little bit and then stop. I told her that was a negative, but if needed I would do whatever the doctor wanted. She decided to let Dr. Norian make the final decision. 

When Dr. Norian came in, he told us both embryos survived the thaw. They are both graded 4AB. I'm not exactly sure what that means other than the quality of the inner cells is A and the outer layer is B... I think. Anyway, they're good quality embryos and that's all I care about. We still have 3 frozen embryos that we can use at a later date and although they're not as good of quality, I'm still happy we have 3. 

Our two beautiful embryos ☺️ 

Despite my bladder being pushed on by the ultrasound and trying not to pee everywhere, the transfer was easy. Dr. Norian decided my bladder wasn't too full and said it would make it a bit easier. It was just like our fresh transfer back in July, except I decided to hold my bladder for the full 30 minutes afterwards so I could stay laying down. I think I asked Chris what time it was every few minutes cause I could not wait to go to the bathroom! 

Our babies are right where the arrow is. The black area above is my bursting bladder. It's so amazing to watch the transfer on the ultrasound. We could see the embryos, surrounded in the fluid they were kept in, shoot out of the catheter. Dr. Norian told me to think "sticky thoughts" and be on bed rest for the next 48 hours. After that, I can do light activity but nothing strenuous. I'm off work the rest of the week and won't go back until Monday. I have plenty of time to rest so our babies can get nice and comfy! I've spent the majority of the day in bed or in the recliner and not doing too much. 

We're praying these little babies decide to stick around and we get to see their beautiful faces in 9 months. Thank you all for your continued support, well wishes and prayers!!

Alissha 

What Infertility Has Cost Us

Lately I've been wondering how much we've spent on fertility treatments, tests and medications over the last year and a half. I decided to go through all our receipts and add up what we had and that's the number I got.... $21,383.51. That doesn't include the hundreds I've probably spent on pregnancy or ovulation predictor tests over the last 3 years and 9 months or what we will still be spending over the next month or so. 

I'm not surprised by how much we've spent. We've definitely felt the impact and even more so lately with the cost of IVF. Our health insurance doesn't cover any fertility treatments or any of the fertility medications, so pretty much everything has been spent out of pocket. We've paid for everything ourselves with the help of credit cards and try to pay cash as much as possible so we don't have to charge anything. It's hard. 

I know there are other couples out there that have spent way more than we have and for that, I feel blessed. I've seen some couples set up Go Fund Me accounts to get help paying for IVF and I really have mixed emotions about that. It's something I wouldn't do, but to each their own. 

We would spend ten times what we have already to have a baby of our own. We get asked if we've considered adoption and I get a little annoyed with that. People think it's so easy to adopt and if we can't have children of our own that's a logical alternative. What most don't understand is that it can be very expensive to adopt and it's a lengthy process. Until we've exhausted all efforts to have our own biological children, we won't be looking into adoption. 

Alissha 

Plans for our FET cycle

This go around I want to do things a little differently. First and foremost, I want to some how not be so stressed or overwhelmed by it all. I think going through it before will help since I'll know what to expect this time. I'm going to try my hardest to steer clear from Google and over-analyzing everything that's going on with my body. My goal is to take it one day at a time. 

I really want to wean myself off of caffeine by the time we do our transfer, so I've switched to half-caff coffee for starters. So far so good! 

Of course I won't be drinking heavily or drinking at all after our transfer, but I think it's okay to have a drink here and there on the weekends or special occasions. 

As far as the gym goes.... I really didn't get back into it like I thought I would after finding out we had a chemical pregnancy. I'm not going to make excuses because they're all pretty lame, but I have been trying to go to the gym or stay active atleast 3 days a week. I think it's important to listen to your body and eat healthy. Hopefully over the next week or so I can get back into my routine, just not as hardcore. 

Yesterday I started my first dose of birth control and we got our treatment calendar for the cycle. There's less ultrasounds and blood work and I won't have any injections this go around. We have our first ultrasound and blood work scheduled for September 30th (my birthday!) and then I'll start estrogen the day after.  If everything goes as planned, our embryo transfer should be October 21st : ) Finally having a date gives me some relief and something to look forward to. I know it's going to be here before we know it and then the two weeks we have to wait for our pregnancy test will take fooooorrreeeeevvvver! 

Alissha 

Day 1!

After being 4 days late, and thinking for a split second that maybe I got pregnant naturally (Ha!) my cycle finally started today. I couldn't wait to call our fertility clinic to start our frozen embryo cycle. We were a little worried the embryo transfer would interfere with our planned trip to the 49ers and Chiefs game on October 5th, but it turns out the frozen cycles take a lot longer to prepare for than a fresh IVF cycle! 

So, tomorrow I'll start birth control again for a couple of weeks to suppress my ovaries and get the timing of the transfer just right. After the birth control, I'll start estrogen in pill and patch form to build up the lining of my uterus to at least 8 millimeters, about 2 weeks. When it reaches that marker, I'll start progesterone (yuck!) to prepare for the transfer. Once things are going as planned, they'll thaw our babies and schedule the transfer. The nurse thinks the transfer will happen mid to late October! We'll get our calendar with all the dates within the next 24 hours, but for now.... I am so excited to be starting this crazy journey again and feel so hopeful that we'll be pregnant by the end of this year : ) 

Alissha

I just feel sad.

Today we had our appointment with Dr. Norian to talk about why our IVF cycle failed and where we go from here. He seemed genuinely sad that it didn't work for us the first time. He said he and the rest of his team really thought we would have had a successful cycle. He said I had a 'chemical pregnancy' which means I had a positive test, but didn't make it to an ultrasound. I'm pretty sure I would completely lose it if I saw our baby on an ultrasound and then miscarried. He said a lot of women have chemical pregnancies, but don't realize it because their periods are just a few days late. Most chemical pregnancies end due to chromosomal defects in the embryo, so he believes this is what may have happened with me and my body did what it needed to do in order to stop the embryo from growing any further. We could do genetic testing on our frozen embryos, but Dr. Norian doesn't believe it's necessary and it's costly. Since I'm not 38 and haven't experienced multiple miscarriages he thinks the odds are in our favor. 

Dr. Norian wants us to take a month off to get my body back to normal and then do a frozen embryo transfer some time in September. He wants to thaw 2-3 embryos and transfer what makes it through the thaw. He expects all of them to survive the thaw since they were high quality. I'll call on the first day of my next cycle and start birth control for a few weeks and then estrogen and add in the progesterone a day before the transfer. Since we already have our embryos, the frozen cycle should be easier on us and my body. I won't have any injections and it's cheaper. 

Since Thursday I've just been in a funk. The best way to describe how I feel is just plain sad. I'm very guarded with my emotions right now. It's amazing how connected and attached Chris and I got to our embryos. We're definitely going through the grieving process and I don't know how long it will last. I don't know when I'll feel 'normal' again. I haven't felt normal in the last 3 1/2 years. There are times I just cry and all I want to do is be with Chris. 

Infertility definitely changes who you are and puts strains on relationships and your marriage. It makes you insecure, jealous, depressed and angry. No couple dreams of paying thousands to have a family when they get married and having no control over the situation- which really drives me nuts. If I come off as distant, emotionless or don't want company, don't take it personal. I just need time to heal and sometimes I just need to be alone. I'm thankful for the month we have off from everything. I'm looking forward to getting back in the gym and having that as my outlet. 

Alissha

Debbie Downer, Party of 1

**Fair warning, this post may have an excessive amount of profanity and foul language so if you're easily offended, move right along**

I'm 8dp5dt today and how am I feeling? Like shit. I'm a total crab ass today and I feel like my emotions and feelings have done a complete 180 since my last post. I'm either PMSing hardcore or I'm starting to feel the effects of an early hormonal pregnancy. I don't feel anything that would indicate I may be pregnant and a part of me feels like at this point I should feel something. My chest isn't sore or the slightest bit tender, I don't have any cramps or weird sensations down there, no nausea. Nothing- other than experiencing every emotion in the book in a short time span. 

This morning I woke up feeling okay, then that quickly changed and I started thinking this wasn't going to be our time and Monday was going to bring bad news.  I told Chris to reassure me that I'm pregnant and everything will be fine and he did his best to change my mind. He kissed my belly, said he loved the babies in there and that I am pregnant, with twins. 

I left for work and I quickly started feeling irritated again. Frustrated. Annoyed. Just overall bitchy. Like don't cross me wrong today cause I may just go off and potentially lose my job.  The last few days have been fairly busy at work. For those who don't know, I work for CPS in an unnamed county in California. Ironic isn't it? The other day I detained a baby fresh from the womb that day. Why? Cause the baby's wonderful parents are meth addicts and haven't lost just one kid. Not two. But three and this makes four. Seriously pisses me off and usually I can do a pretty good job at separating my personal feelings and not "judging" our clients. But really?! Get it together assholes. 

This morning I had to drive my court report down to court and on the way I called Chris and asked him to make me feel better cause I felt like I was going to lose it. I laughed. Smiled. Told him I was going to cry. I managed to keep it together while we were on the phone and then after we hung up, I lost it. Crying down the freeway in a county car that everyone clearly knows is CPS. I eventually pulled it together and told myself it wasn't a good look to be crying in a county car with no tinted windows and two empty car seats in the back. Sigh. 

I decided to take my sweet ass time getting to court and coming back to the office.  I just don't feel like dealing with anyone today. I just want Monday to be here and to know either way. I want to be out of this funky mood and to stop pumping my body with hormones cause they're seriously fucking with my head.  I want to workout again and feel healthy. Prior to the retrieval I worked out at least 5 times a week. I just want to go lift weights and burn some of these negative vibes. Regardless of the outcome on Monday, I'm going back to the gym. Avoiding the gym hasn't done me any good. 

I. Am. Pregnant. 

With Twins.

Two Boys.

Maybe a Boy and a Girl.

Maybe just pregnant with one boy. 

Something, please. 

I want to cry. 

Alissha 

5dp5dt

Today was my first day back to work after the transfer. As much as I didn't want to go back and deal with what I've been putting on the back burner the last month, I didn't want to use anymore sick or vacation time when I really didn't need to. 

So, today I'm officially 5 days past transfer! People have been asking how I'm feeling and if I feel any different. I can't say I do. I feel great. On 3dp and 4dp transfer, I noticed little pinching like sensations in what I think would be my uterus. They last a few seconds and then go away. Or I'll get a sharp jab on the right or left side of my lower abdomen. My chest is getting a little sore today and I've had a few pains in the ladies, but nothing crazy.  Today I've been tired and blah, but that's probably due to being back at work. 

I'm totally guilty of Googling what others have felt on certain days past transfer or watching YouTube videos of people who have gone through IVF to see if anything is the same with me. Everyone is totally different. Some people don't feel anything and end up with a positive, then others feel like they're pregnant and get a negative.  Some women have tested as early as 5dp5dt and gotten a positive and as much as id love to test, I'm going to wait until August 4th.  After our blood test that Monday, I will update the blog/Instagram and let everyone know the results.  I don't believe in superstitions and I don't think if I tell everyone I'm pregnant that early it'll jinx everything.  If it's meant to be, it will be!  I know this is going to work. I'm feeling positive about everything and don't doubt that there are two little microscopic babies growing in my uterus.  Here's a little chart of what should be going on each day after transfer: 

Last night I had a dream we had an ultrasound at around 18 weeks. We found out we were having a boy and a girl! Then we had another ultrasound done at 20 weeks and it changed to twin boys! So exciting. 

Oh! And I called the fertility clinic to see how many embryos were actually frozen and we have 5 beautiful embryos that were frozen. The other two they were watching didn't continue to develop so they were "discarded".  I am so happy that we have 5 potential babies for the future and I won't have to go through the whole retrieval and injection process again. 

Alissha

2dp5dt

I'm officially 2 days post our 5 day transfer, hence 2dp5dt - Fertility lingo ; ) It's been exactly 48 hours since our transfer and the embryos should be nestling into my uterus. On the day of the transfer, they should have started to hatch out of their outer layer and been on their way to implant into their home for the next 9 months. Yes, we all hatched at some point! Over the last 3 1/2 years I've learned enough about reproductive medicine and how conception works to probably teach a Fertility 101 course! 

The day of the transfer, I was super bloated and uncomfortable. A lot of that has to do with adjusting to the medication though. I regret taking the Tylenol with Codeine the day of the retrieval because that really jacked up my already sensitive digestive tract. So, if you can get through the pain with some Extra Strength Tylenol I would totally encourage you to do that. You'll be much more comfortable.  I was crampy on and off most of the day, but didn't need to take any Tylenol. Cramps were similar to what you get before you start your period. Just kinda achey and annoying. I spent all day on the couch or in bed, with my legs elevated. I drank a ton of water, made dozens of trips to the bathroom and let Chris take care of me- which was really hard for me to let him do. If I did anything other than go to the restroom he would tell me to stop and go lay back down. 

The first day after transfer I continued to stay in bed or on the couch allllll day. Chris had to work, so little ol poor me had to actually get my own lunch and dinner. We had leftovers, so all I had to do was heat it up. That and feeding our crazy dogs was all the excitement I got. I slept from about 12-4, which helped some of the time pass. The cramps continued off and on about half of the day, but went away. The bloating has also gone away! Hallelujah. I don't look 5 months pregnant anymore! 

Today, I'm feeling really good. I'm trying so hard to not think everything going on with my body is a possible symptom. The progesterone I'm on can give you similar symptoms to that of early pregnancy, so it's been hard. My lower back has been achy since the day of the transfer and things are going on with the girls up top, that with all honestly started before the transfer and retrieval. Other than that, nothing else is going on.  

Chris and I have been talking to my belly and encouraging the embryos to nestle in. He kisses my belly and tells them good morning and good night. All positive vibes for our little embryos! Last night I had a dream we were in the hospital because I was in labor.  The male nurse, who wasn't even dressed in scrubs, was showing me around the room and how I was supposed to shower after delivery- which was ass end into the shower and squatting down- ha! While he was showing me around there was an earthquake that seemed to last awhile, but it was just a little shaker.  Next thing I knew we had a baby boy.  I don't remember delivering him, he just spontaneously appeared and was  wrapped up in a blanket on a hard plastic chair.  I remember I was upset the baby wasn't brought right onto my chest after delivery.  Chris was so calm during the whole thing. That's the first baby dream I've had in awhile and is this the beginning of crazy pregnancy dreams?? Sheesh. 

Alissha 

Transfer day!

What an emotional morning!!! Since Saturday I've been worried about how our embryos were doing and how many continued to develop. It's pretty typical for some to stop developing after a day or two, so I was expecting to maybe have 5-7 embryos left today.  When Dr. Norian came in he said,"Basically what it comes down to is you guys make beautiful embryos. All 9 have continued to develop and we have 5 that are blastocyst and ready for transfer." 

WHAT!? I was shocked. The other 4 were continuing to develop, but weren't quite ready for transfer yet. There's a possibility that one may have stopped growing, but they'll continue to keep an eye on it.  We discussed how many embryos to transfer and Dr. Norian was on the same page with the number we wanted to transfer. He said given how long we've been trying to conceive, what treatments we've already done and the quality of our embryos, he felt confident that 2, yes TWO, embryos was a good number to transfer.  He told us we have a 30% chance of having twins. I am totally fine with twins or one baby.

Dr. Norian gave us this picture of our embryos and he thinks the two larger ones on the left are the ones the embryologist chose to transfer. I told him to pick the two boys! : ) 

Isn't it crazy that those are our babies??? It's truly amazing! 

The transfer itself was painless. I didn't feel a thing other than the speculum and the catheter went in with no problems. We were able to watch the whole thing through the ultrasound, which was done on my belly with a FULL bladder (that's a must for the transfer). Dr. Norian said I may have some pinkish discharge (sorry for the TMI) after and said, "Don't worry, it's not your embryos falling out."  I couldn't stop laughing. He is the quirkiest guy and I absolutely love it. 

Afterwards, I had to stay laying down for 10 minutes then I could use the restroom! I had to go back in the room and lay down for another 30 minutes or so and then was free to go home. I'm to be on bed rest for atleast the next 48 hours with my legs elevated, but I'm sure I'll spend the next 5 days in bed or on the couch just for good measure. I don't go back to work until Monday so I have plenty of time to relax. 

So when do we find out if I'm pregnant?? August 4th! The nurse discouraged me from taking a pregnancy test at home and I wanted to tell her she's crazy. I don't know if I'm gonna make it all the way to the 4th.... I'll try my hardest. 

Here's a few pictures from today! 

During the transfer 

The little white blob the arrow is pointing to in my uterus are the embryos surrounded in the fluid they've been living in the past 5 days

I hope the next 12 days go by quickly! We feel so blessed we have this opportunity and are feeling so positive that this is going to work! Thank you for all of your prayers and kind wishes. They mean more to us than you'll ever know! 

Alissha 

Post Egg Retrieval

Since the egg retrieval I've felt pretty good. On Friday I was a bit crampy and stayed on the couch or in bed for most of the day. I took some Tylenol with Codeine and my heating pad was pretty much on me at all times.  On Saturday I was a bit bloated, but nothing unbearable.  I think that was mostly due to the meds I'm on and slowing down my digestion... Yay! Speaking of meds, I don't have any injections anymore but I do have all this.... 

I take most of the medication 3 times a day and the white wand with the thing to the left is the suppository- that I need to do 3 times a day. Whoever came up with the idea of having progesterone as a vaginal suppository is an asshole. Those have been, by far, the worst thing from this whole process.  I can't wait until Dr. Norian says I can stop using them. With all the hormones and meds I'm on, you'd think id be a basket case but I think I'm handling it all pretty well. My emotions have been pretty stable and I haven't had any crazy side effects. I'll leave out the TMI side effects for the sake of my parents and Chris' parents who read this, but if you really want to know- message me! 

I haven't had any signs of Ovarian Hyper-Stimulation Syndrome (OHSS), which could potentially cancel the transfer, and I'm pretty sure I've been drinking my body weight in water, Powerade and coconut water.  They told me to drink 3 liters a day and I think I've surpassed that every day. I drank a ton of water on a regular basis before this whole process, so it hasn't been too hard to drink more. I've also learned to love prunes... Which are a necessity with the whole IVF process. If you or anyone you know are going to be starting IVF, I highly suggest drinking a ton of water and stocking up on some prunes! 

I continue to feel better each day and yesterday Chris and I walked each dog individually, which ended up being a 2 hour task, but it felt so good to get outside and enjoy that bright thing we call sun! I returned to work today and plan to work tomorrow. Then on Wednesday we have the transfer and I'll be off work until the following Monday so the baby or babies can nestle in! I really wish we got more updates on how our embryos were doing, but I have faith they are doing well and we will have atleast one amazing embryo to transfer on Wednesday! 

Alissha 

9 Benson Embryos!

Great news!! We got the phone call we've been anxiously waiting for. Of my 13 eggs that were retrieved, 11 were mature enough to be fertilized. Of the 11 that were fertilized, 9 successfully fertilized. We won't get another update with how the embryos are doing until Wednesday morning when Dr. Norian gets the fertilization report. We have to be in Pasadena at 6:30 Wednesday morning for the transfer at 7am. At that time, we'll talk to Dr. Norian about how many embryos to transfer and if we have any to freeze. 

Please pray that our 9 embryos keep growing and make it to day 5 (Wednesday) when we do the transfer. We feel so blessed that we have 9 potential babies growing right now! Just to give you an idea of what embryos look like as they develop, here's a little picture of their development every day until day 5 when the transfer is done: 

Alissha

Egg Retrieval!

This morning we woke up at 3:30 and were out the door by 4:10.  We had to be in Pasadena at the surgery site by 5:30 and we arrived around 5:20. Shortly after we arrived, I was called back to pre-op where I changed in to a fancy blue gown, non-slip socks and put my hair back in a cap. During this time, Chris did his part and provided his sample to make this miracle happen! 

At about 6:00, they walked me into the procedure room where I layed down on the bed and was hooked up to an IV and given fluids and Tylenol. At about 6:20, the anesthesiologist came in and gave me the good stuff that knocked me out within a matter of seconds. It was amazing. The last thing I remember was Dr. Norian coming into the room and telling me they were going to take good care of me. Out like a light. 

Next thing I remember was waking up in the procedure room and tears rolling down my face, which is pretty common for me after coming out of anesthesia. They wheeled me into the recovery area, the same as the pre-op area, and Chris was able to come back a few minutes later.  Dr. Norian came in and told us they retrieved 13 eggs. He was pleased with this number and said some of my follicles didn't have any eggs in the fluid, which is pretty normal. 

I'm not gonna lie, I'm a little bummed I only had 13 eggs. I really thought I would have about 18, but all is good! Lucky 13! And we only need one to look amazing! Tomorrow we'll get a phone call with how many of the 13 were mature enough to fertilize and how many actually fertilized. Dr. Norian is anticipating the embryo transfer being on Wednesday. 

I'm feeling pretty good after the retrieval, just a little crampy. I can take my Tylenol with Codeine around 12 to relieve any pain and I'm not gonna do anything today other than relax with my heating pad. Tonight I'll start my lovely progesterone suppositories and then tomorrow I'll start estrogen supplements. No more needles!!! And by the way, the HcG trigger shot I did on Wednesday was no joke! My belly is so freaking sore and tender at the injection site. I'm so glad that was a one time deal! 

That's all for now, as soon as we get our phone call tomorrow I'll update everyone! 

Alissha 

On our way : D

In recovery, looking a hot damn mess. Yes, my eyes are open lol 

Almost time!

Our egg retrieval is officially scheduled for Friday morning at 6:30 am! We have to be in Pasadena by 5:30, which means we will have to leave our house around 4:00 am! Holy cow. I can't believe it's already time to do the retrieval. Everything has happened so quickly and a lot faster then I ever imagined. When we started talking about IVF, we said we would be happy if we started the process by the end of the year. Now were in July and getting ready to do the retrieval in less than 48 hours!

My follicles are looking beautiful and measuring just as they should. My lining still looks amazing and my estrogen levels are rising on track.  I no longer have to do my 3 injections, but tonight I have to do the HcG trigger shot at 7:30pm to induce ovulation. This shot has to be done precisely at 7:30, otherwise it'll throw the retrieval off. Tomorrow I'll start an oral antibiotic to reduce the chance of infection and then I'll start progesterone suppositories (gross) and estrogen after the retrieval. 

On Friday they will tell us how many eggs were retrieved and then on Saturday the nurse will call us and let us know how many were fertilized. We won't know how many embryos will be transferred until the day of transfer, which should be next Wednesday! 

Please pray that the retrieval goes smoothly and we have lots of mature eggs that will get fertilized! 

Alissha 

Right in the middle is my uterus, with a nice lining waiting for an embryo or two to nestle in! 

All the black holes are my follicles in my ovary 

My ovaries feel like a busted can of Pillsbury biscuits. I can't wait for Dr. Norian to retrieve all the eggs! 

How it's been going....

I wanted to do a quick update with how things are going so far since our last appointment and starting the injections.  So Monday was our first night of injections and I felt fine for the most part on Tuesday. The only thing I noticed were little headaches that came and went. I felt good enough to go to the gym for an hour and walk on the treadmill (and elliptical for like 7 minutes).  After hearing it from everyone, I won't be going on the elliptical anymore. Promise! On Wednesday I had on and off again headaches, but nothing to where I needed Tylenol. After work I felt exhausted and could have gone to sleep, but went out to dinner with my friends Traci and Emily and their kiddos, followed by an exciting trip to Costco. 

Yesterday afternoon I thought I was going to fall asleep in the car as my coworker and I were out in the field. Thankfully she was driving so I got to relax. I got home from work at about 5:50, fed the dogs, showered and was asleep in bed by 6:20. I was EXHAUSTED. I slept until Chris woke me up when he came home at about 8:45pm. We did the injections, ate a snack and were back in bed by 10. 

The injections have been going well. I feel like a pin cushion lately with those and getting blood drawn everytime I have an appointment.  Chris is pretty much a pro at stabbing me and oddly enough, we both look forward to doing the injections every night.  I've just felt a little tender in the areas I get them, but so far no bruising, swelling or bloating has happened. 

At today's appointment, Dr. Norian checked my follicles and uterine lining. My lining still looked good, but it was on the thinner side. He said he'll keep monitoring it and eventually I'll have to start taking estrogen. The medications have a tendency to thin the lining, so that gets fixed with a little estrogen support. And thankfully that comes in pill form. My ovaries looked great. My follicles, which house my little eggs, are ranging from 12 mm to 6 mm and are growing right on track.  Dr. Norian said he likes to see 3-4 follicles measuring no less than 17 mm for the retrieval.  I had 8-9 follicles on each ovary, but my left ovary had the smaller ones. Looks like my right ovary is gonna be the superstar! 

On Sunday I'll be starting a 3rd injection called Ganirelix which is used to prevent early ovulation.  And with the extra injection comes an increase in Menopur. Instead of one vial of Menopur, I'll be doing two. Yayyyy for injections. My next appointment is on Monday at 11am and we should have a better idea some time next week when the egg retrieval will be. I'm guessing Saturday the 19th : ) 

And in case you're curious about the whole IVF process, here's a short video you can watch on YouTube: http://youtu.be/eQQcrlMYbic

Alissha 

It's a go!

At our appointment this morning I had my baseline ultrasound to check my ovaries and follicles before starting injections. My ovaries looked good still, with 3-4 follicles on each ovary. My cyst on my right Fallopian tube was no where to be found and there weren't any cysts on my ovaries. Dr. Norian said it's normal for women to get cysts throughout their cycle and he was pleased with what he saw on the ultrasound.  He gave us the go ahead to start injections tonight and go over how to administer them with the nurse. 

So, we met with the nurse and she went over how to prepare the medication and administer them.  We gave her all of the paperwork and consents we had to sign (30 pages worth). The paperwork basically went over the risks involved with doing IVF, the procedures and medication.  The results from my genetic test were in and according to the test, I am a carrier for Pseudocholinesterase Deficiency.  What the eff is that?? Well, apparently it "causes sensitivity to particular forms of surgical anesthesia. After receiving these drugs, people may experience a longer than normal period of breathing paralysis, but medical teams are typically equipped to handle such an event. The condition does not cause any other symptoms."  Nothing serious and the chances of Chris being a carrier for the same thing no one has ever even freaking heard of is pretty rare.  Nonetheless, Dr. Norian highly suggested Chris complete the genetic test as well so that's what we did. We should get those results in a couple of weeks. 

After our appointment, I had to go get my blood drawn to check my estrogen levels. The doctor wants them to be at a certain level throughout the cycle so my ovaries don't get hyperstimulated and to see if my medication needs to be adjusted. The nurse told me if I didn't hear from her before the end of closing at 5, my levels were normal and to move forward with the injections.  

I didn't hear from her, so we did the injections tonight! I will have two injections every night, preferably at the same time, until the doctor or nurse tells me otherwise.  I have my next appointment on Friday to see how I'm responding to the medication and I will more than likely start a 3rd injection over the weekend. The injections themselves were not bad at all. They are really small needles and Chris was gentle when he injected them. He prepared the injections tonight and I'll prepare them tomorrow so I can be familiar with preparing them as well. So, keep your fingers crossed and say a prayer for us that I respond well to the medication and things continue to go smoothly for us. 

Alissha 

On our way! 

The medication, needles and syringes 

The top injection is Follistim, a pre-filled syringe kind of like an Epi Pen and the bottom one is Menopur. We had to mix the powder with saline solution and draw it up. 

Prepping my belly! 

Follistim 

Menopur. This one stings a bit as it's going in. 

No pain, no gain! Grow follicles, grow!