National Infertility Awareness Week is this coming week (April 23-29) and I've been thinking a lot about our own struggle lately and what I've learned from our journey. I wanted to do a post and just get everything out, so sorry if this is long and all over the place.
1 in 8 couples struggle with infertility. 1 in 8. I've had so many people reach out to me and thank me for being so candid about what we've gone through to conceive because it has helped them in their own infertility journey and let them know they aren't the only ones. I started this blog to get my emotions out, to document our struggles so I never forget what we went through and to let other couples know YOU ARE NOT ALONE.
I remember feeling so isolated when we were trying to have a baby. I felt so alone. Chris was on this journey with me, but what I didn't realize until years later and with the help of our counselor was that we were not in tune with each other at all. I was so wrapped up in trying to have a baby that I never checked in with Chris to see how he was feeling. He always acted okay so I assumed he was fine and our struggle wasn't affecting him. I was so wrong. He was trying to stay strong for me and didn't want me worrying about him. He was so selfless in wanting me to be okay that he completely put what he was going through on the back burner. My number one piece of advice for couples struggling to get pregnant is don't lose sight of what brought you two together in the first place. Don't get so wrapped up in trying to have a baby that you completely forget about each other. It's not worth it. Always check in with each other. Don't be afraid to express how you're feeling.
The emotions of what we went through are still very real. The hurt, the pain, the unknown, the wondering, the heartache, the tears (so, so many tears), the joy, the hope, the STRESS. Chris and I went through so much in our first 5 years of marriage and things that should have destroyed our marriage made us stronger. I've learned that infertility can either make your relationship stronger or completely destroy it. Don't let it destroy you. Seek counseling and work through this struggle together. Our counselor put it into perspective for me and made me realize struggling with infertility, going through fertility treatments and dealing with losses is a traumatic event and something that needs to be talked about and processed. Counseling has helped us tremendously and I highly recommend it, even if you're not dealing with infertility.
Looking back on our journey and the one we're still on to have baby #2, I am grateful. I'm grateful that modern medicine has allowed our dreams to come true and have the son we always wanted. I pray and wish and hope that we won't have to go through another fresh IVF cycle for baby #2, but it's looking more and more like that will be our reality....again. I imagine what it would be like to get pregnant naturally and surprise our friends and family with this announcement, what it must be like to not know what's going on at every single moment of conceiving and be that couple who needed IVF for their first baby but got pregnant on their own for their second..... But, how awesome is it that we have a picture of Caleb as an embryo?! Just a tiny ball of cells that turned into this amazing little boy that has brought so much joy to our lives.
Not many people can say they have a picture of themselves as a 5 day embryo and that's such a cool thing to have. So much love went in to creating him. So much love was waiting for him and he was wanted so very much.
For anyone struggling to get pregnant or maintain a pregnancy, don't be afraid to take the next step and talk to a fertility doctor (I can recommend a great one!) I was so terrified of doing IVF and couldn't wrap my mind around the fact that two healthy people who prevented pregnancy for so long couldn't get pregnant.... even after 3 years of trying and 3 failed IUIs (intrauterine insemination). When we decided to move forward with IVF I was so surprised at how smooth the process went and while doing daily injections wasn't that fun, it put us one step closer to having a baby. IVF is a huge investment of time, MONEY and emotions, but it's so worth it.
Don't be afraid to reach out and find a support system through your journey. Ask questions, get second opinions, don't give up. And most importantly, don't forget who you're on this journey with 💙
Alissha
