Debbie Downer, Party of 1

**Fair warning, this post may have an excessive amount of profanity and foul language so if you're easily offended, move right along**

I'm 8dp5dt today and how am I feeling? Like shit. I'm a total crab ass today and I feel like my emotions and feelings have done a complete 180 since my last post. I'm either PMSing hardcore or I'm starting to feel the effects of an early hormonal pregnancy. I don't feel anything that would indicate I may be pregnant and a part of me feels like at this point I should feel something. My chest isn't sore or the slightest bit tender, I don't have any cramps or weird sensations down there, no nausea. Nothing- other than experiencing every emotion in the book in a short time span. 

This morning I woke up feeling okay, then that quickly changed and I started thinking this wasn't going to be our time and Monday was going to bring bad news.  I told Chris to reassure me that I'm pregnant and everything will be fine and he did his best to change my mind. He kissed my belly, said he loved the babies in there and that I am pregnant, with twins. 

I left for work and I quickly started feeling irritated again. Frustrated. Annoyed. Just overall bitchy. Like don't cross me wrong today cause I may just go off and potentially lose my job.  The last few days have been fairly busy at work. For those who don't know, I work for CPS in an unnamed county in California. Ironic isn't it? The other day I detained a baby fresh from the womb that day. Why? Cause the baby's wonderful parents are meth addicts and haven't lost just one kid. Not two. But three and this makes four. Seriously pisses me off and usually I can do a pretty good job at separating my personal feelings and not "judging" our clients. But really?! Get it together assholes. 

This morning I had to drive my court report down to court and on the way I called Chris and asked him to make me feel better cause I felt like I was going to lose it. I laughed. Smiled. Told him I was going to cry. I managed to keep it together while we were on the phone and then after we hung up, I lost it. Crying down the freeway in a county car that everyone clearly knows is CPS. I eventually pulled it together and told myself it wasn't a good look to be crying in a county car with no tinted windows and two empty car seats in the back. Sigh. 

I decided to take my sweet ass time getting to court and coming back to the office.  I just don't feel like dealing with anyone today. I just want Monday to be here and to know either way. I want to be out of this funky mood and to stop pumping my body with hormones cause they're seriously fucking with my head.  I want to workout again and feel healthy. Prior to the retrieval I worked out at least 5 times a week. I just want to go lift weights and burn some of these negative vibes. Regardless of the outcome on Monday, I'm going back to the gym. Avoiding the gym hasn't done me any good. 

I. Am. Pregnant. 

With Twins.

Two Boys.

Maybe a Boy and a Girl.

Maybe just pregnant with one boy. 

Something, please. 

I want to cry. 

Alissha 

5dp5dt

Today was my first day back to work after the transfer. As much as I didn't want to go back and deal with what I've been putting on the back burner the last month, I didn't want to use anymore sick or vacation time when I really didn't need to. 

So, today I'm officially 5 days past transfer! People have been asking how I'm feeling and if I feel any different. I can't say I do. I feel great. On 3dp and 4dp transfer, I noticed little pinching like sensations in what I think would be my uterus. They last a few seconds and then go away. Or I'll get a sharp jab on the right or left side of my lower abdomen. My chest is getting a little sore today and I've had a few pains in the ladies, but nothing crazy.  Today I've been tired and blah, but that's probably due to being back at work. 

I'm totally guilty of Googling what others have felt on certain days past transfer or watching YouTube videos of people who have gone through IVF to see if anything is the same with me. Everyone is totally different. Some people don't feel anything and end up with a positive, then others feel like they're pregnant and get a negative.  Some women have tested as early as 5dp5dt and gotten a positive and as much as id love to test, I'm going to wait until August 4th.  After our blood test that Monday, I will update the blog/Instagram and let everyone know the results.  I don't believe in superstitions and I don't think if I tell everyone I'm pregnant that early it'll jinx everything.  If it's meant to be, it will be!  I know this is going to work. I'm feeling positive about everything and don't doubt that there are two little microscopic babies growing in my uterus.  Here's a little chart of what should be going on each day after transfer: 

Last night I had a dream we had an ultrasound at around 18 weeks. We found out we were having a boy and a girl! Then we had another ultrasound done at 20 weeks and it changed to twin boys! So exciting. 

Oh! And I called the fertility clinic to see how many embryos were actually frozen and we have 5 beautiful embryos that were frozen. The other two they were watching didn't continue to develop so they were "discarded".  I am so happy that we have 5 potential babies for the future and I won't have to go through the whole retrieval and injection process again. 

Alissha

2dp5dt

I'm officially 2 days post our 5 day transfer, hence 2dp5dt - Fertility lingo ; ) It's been exactly 48 hours since our transfer and the embryos should be nestling into my uterus. On the day of the transfer, they should have started to hatch out of their outer layer and been on their way to implant into their home for the next 9 months. Yes, we all hatched at some point! Over the last 3 1/2 years I've learned enough about reproductive medicine and how conception works to probably teach a Fertility 101 course! 

The day of the transfer, I was super bloated and uncomfortable. A lot of that has to do with adjusting to the medication though. I regret taking the Tylenol with Codeine the day of the retrieval because that really jacked up my already sensitive digestive tract. So, if you can get through the pain with some Extra Strength Tylenol I would totally encourage you to do that. You'll be much more comfortable.  I was crampy on and off most of the day, but didn't need to take any Tylenol. Cramps were similar to what you get before you start your period. Just kinda achey and annoying. I spent all day on the couch or in bed, with my legs elevated. I drank a ton of water, made dozens of trips to the bathroom and let Chris take care of me- which was really hard for me to let him do. If I did anything other than go to the restroom he would tell me to stop and go lay back down. 

The first day after transfer I continued to stay in bed or on the couch allllll day. Chris had to work, so little ol poor me had to actually get my own lunch and dinner. We had leftovers, so all I had to do was heat it up. That and feeding our crazy dogs was all the excitement I got. I slept from about 12-4, which helped some of the time pass. The cramps continued off and on about half of the day, but went away. The bloating has also gone away! Hallelujah. I don't look 5 months pregnant anymore! 

Today, I'm feeling really good. I'm trying so hard to not think everything going on with my body is a possible symptom. The progesterone I'm on can give you similar symptoms to that of early pregnancy, so it's been hard. My lower back has been achy since the day of the transfer and things are going on with the girls up top, that with all honestly started before the transfer and retrieval. Other than that, nothing else is going on.  

Chris and I have been talking to my belly and encouraging the embryos to nestle in. He kisses my belly and tells them good morning and good night. All positive vibes for our little embryos! Last night I had a dream we were in the hospital because I was in labor.  The male nurse, who wasn't even dressed in scrubs, was showing me around the room and how I was supposed to shower after delivery- which was ass end into the shower and squatting down- ha! While he was showing me around there was an earthquake that seemed to last awhile, but it was just a little shaker.  Next thing I knew we had a baby boy.  I don't remember delivering him, he just spontaneously appeared and was  wrapped up in a blanket on a hard plastic chair.  I remember I was upset the baby wasn't brought right onto my chest after delivery.  Chris was so calm during the whole thing. That's the first baby dream I've had in awhile and is this the beginning of crazy pregnancy dreams?? Sheesh. 

Alissha 

Transfer day!

What an emotional morning!!! Since Saturday I've been worried about how our embryos were doing and how many continued to develop. It's pretty typical for some to stop developing after a day or two, so I was expecting to maybe have 5-7 embryos left today.  When Dr. Norian came in he said,"Basically what it comes down to is you guys make beautiful embryos. All 9 have continued to develop and we have 5 that are blastocyst and ready for transfer." 

WHAT!? I was shocked. The other 4 were continuing to develop, but weren't quite ready for transfer yet. There's a possibility that one may have stopped growing, but they'll continue to keep an eye on it.  We discussed how many embryos to transfer and Dr. Norian was on the same page with the number we wanted to transfer. He said given how long we've been trying to conceive, what treatments we've already done and the quality of our embryos, he felt confident that 2, yes TWO, embryos was a good number to transfer.  He told us we have a 30% chance of having twins. I am totally fine with twins or one baby.

Dr. Norian gave us this picture of our embryos and he thinks the two larger ones on the left are the ones the embryologist chose to transfer. I told him to pick the two boys! : ) 

Isn't it crazy that those are our babies??? It's truly amazing! 

The transfer itself was painless. I didn't feel a thing other than the speculum and the catheter went in with no problems. We were able to watch the whole thing through the ultrasound, which was done on my belly with a FULL bladder (that's a must for the transfer). Dr. Norian said I may have some pinkish discharge (sorry for the TMI) after and said, "Don't worry, it's not your embryos falling out."  I couldn't stop laughing. He is the quirkiest guy and I absolutely love it. 

Afterwards, I had to stay laying down for 10 minutes then I could use the restroom! I had to go back in the room and lay down for another 30 minutes or so and then was free to go home. I'm to be on bed rest for atleast the next 48 hours with my legs elevated, but I'm sure I'll spend the next 5 days in bed or on the couch just for good measure. I don't go back to work until Monday so I have plenty of time to relax. 

So when do we find out if I'm pregnant?? August 4th! The nurse discouraged me from taking a pregnancy test at home and I wanted to tell her she's crazy. I don't know if I'm gonna make it all the way to the 4th.... I'll try my hardest. 

Here's a few pictures from today! 

During the transfer 

The little white blob the arrow is pointing to in my uterus are the embryos surrounded in the fluid they've been living in the past 5 days

I hope the next 12 days go by quickly! We feel so blessed we have this opportunity and are feeling so positive that this is going to work! Thank you for all of your prayers and kind wishes. They mean more to us than you'll ever know! 

Alissha 

Post Egg Retrieval

Since the egg retrieval I've felt pretty good. On Friday I was a bit crampy and stayed on the couch or in bed for most of the day. I took some Tylenol with Codeine and my heating pad was pretty much on me at all times.  On Saturday I was a bit bloated, but nothing unbearable.  I think that was mostly due to the meds I'm on and slowing down my digestion... Yay! Speaking of meds, I don't have any injections anymore but I do have all this.... 

I take most of the medication 3 times a day and the white wand with the thing to the left is the suppository- that I need to do 3 times a day. Whoever came up with the idea of having progesterone as a vaginal suppository is an asshole. Those have been, by far, the worst thing from this whole process.  I can't wait until Dr. Norian says I can stop using them. With all the hormones and meds I'm on, you'd think id be a basket case but I think I'm handling it all pretty well. My emotions have been pretty stable and I haven't had any crazy side effects. I'll leave out the TMI side effects for the sake of my parents and Chris' parents who read this, but if you really want to know- message me! 

I haven't had any signs of Ovarian Hyper-Stimulation Syndrome (OHSS), which could potentially cancel the transfer, and I'm pretty sure I've been drinking my body weight in water, Powerade and coconut water.  They told me to drink 3 liters a day and I think I've surpassed that every day. I drank a ton of water on a regular basis before this whole process, so it hasn't been too hard to drink more. I've also learned to love prunes... Which are a necessity with the whole IVF process. If you or anyone you know are going to be starting IVF, I highly suggest drinking a ton of water and stocking up on some prunes! 

I continue to feel better each day and yesterday Chris and I walked each dog individually, which ended up being a 2 hour task, but it felt so good to get outside and enjoy that bright thing we call sun! I returned to work today and plan to work tomorrow. Then on Wednesday we have the transfer and I'll be off work until the following Monday so the baby or babies can nestle in! I really wish we got more updates on how our embryos were doing, but I have faith they are doing well and we will have atleast one amazing embryo to transfer on Wednesday! 

Alissha 

9 Benson Embryos!

Great news!! We got the phone call we've been anxiously waiting for. Of my 13 eggs that were retrieved, 11 were mature enough to be fertilized. Of the 11 that were fertilized, 9 successfully fertilized. We won't get another update with how the embryos are doing until Wednesday morning when Dr. Norian gets the fertilization report. We have to be in Pasadena at 6:30 Wednesday morning for the transfer at 7am. At that time, we'll talk to Dr. Norian about how many embryos to transfer and if we have any to freeze. 

Please pray that our 9 embryos keep growing and make it to day 5 (Wednesday) when we do the transfer. We feel so blessed that we have 9 potential babies growing right now! Just to give you an idea of what embryos look like as they develop, here's a little picture of their development every day until day 5 when the transfer is done: 

Alissha

Egg Retrieval!

This morning we woke up at 3:30 and were out the door by 4:10.  We had to be in Pasadena at the surgery site by 5:30 and we arrived around 5:20. Shortly after we arrived, I was called back to pre-op where I changed in to a fancy blue gown, non-slip socks and put my hair back in a cap. During this time, Chris did his part and provided his sample to make this miracle happen! 

At about 6:00, they walked me into the procedure room where I layed down on the bed and was hooked up to an IV and given fluids and Tylenol. At about 6:20, the anesthesiologist came in and gave me the good stuff that knocked me out within a matter of seconds. It was amazing. The last thing I remember was Dr. Norian coming into the room and telling me they were going to take good care of me. Out like a light. 

Next thing I remember was waking up in the procedure room and tears rolling down my face, which is pretty common for me after coming out of anesthesia. They wheeled me into the recovery area, the same as the pre-op area, and Chris was able to come back a few minutes later.  Dr. Norian came in and told us they retrieved 13 eggs. He was pleased with this number and said some of my follicles didn't have any eggs in the fluid, which is pretty normal. 

I'm not gonna lie, I'm a little bummed I only had 13 eggs. I really thought I would have about 18, but all is good! Lucky 13! And we only need one to look amazing! Tomorrow we'll get a phone call with how many of the 13 were mature enough to fertilize and how many actually fertilized. Dr. Norian is anticipating the embryo transfer being on Wednesday. 

I'm feeling pretty good after the retrieval, just a little crampy. I can take my Tylenol with Codeine around 12 to relieve any pain and I'm not gonna do anything today other than relax with my heating pad. Tonight I'll start my lovely progesterone suppositories and then tomorrow I'll start estrogen supplements. No more needles!!! And by the way, the HcG trigger shot I did on Wednesday was no joke! My belly is so freaking sore and tender at the injection site. I'm so glad that was a one time deal! 

That's all for now, as soon as we get our phone call tomorrow I'll update everyone! 

Alissha 

On our way : D

In recovery, looking a hot damn mess. Yes, my eyes are open lol 

Almost time!

Our egg retrieval is officially scheduled for Friday morning at 6:30 am! We have to be in Pasadena by 5:30, which means we will have to leave our house around 4:00 am! Holy cow. I can't believe it's already time to do the retrieval. Everything has happened so quickly and a lot faster then I ever imagined. When we started talking about IVF, we said we would be happy if we started the process by the end of the year. Now were in July and getting ready to do the retrieval in less than 48 hours!

My follicles are looking beautiful and measuring just as they should. My lining still looks amazing and my estrogen levels are rising on track.  I no longer have to do my 3 injections, but tonight I have to do the HcG trigger shot at 7:30pm to induce ovulation. This shot has to be done precisely at 7:30, otherwise it'll throw the retrieval off. Tomorrow I'll start an oral antibiotic to reduce the chance of infection and then I'll start progesterone suppositories (gross) and estrogen after the retrieval. 

On Friday they will tell us how many eggs were retrieved and then on Saturday the nurse will call us and let us know how many were fertilized. We won't know how many embryos will be transferred until the day of transfer, which should be next Wednesday! 

Please pray that the retrieval goes smoothly and we have lots of mature eggs that will get fertilized! 

Alissha 

Right in the middle is my uterus, with a nice lining waiting for an embryo or two to nestle in! 

All the black holes are my follicles in my ovary 

My ovaries feel like a busted can of Pillsbury biscuits. I can't wait for Dr. Norian to retrieve all the eggs! 

Right on track!

We are so so excited! My follicles are growing just as they should and my uterine lining looks great! My follicles are between 10mm and 17mm. They looked so much bigger, like honeycombs, on the ultrasound today. I'll go back on Wednesday morning for hopefully one last ultrasound before the retrieval. 

Dr. Norian thinks I'll do the trigger shot (to induce ovulation) on Wednesday night and have the retrieval done bright and early Friday morning! It's all happening so fast and we couldn't be happier. 

Alissha 

How it's been going....

I wanted to do a quick update with how things are going so far since our last appointment and starting the injections.  So Monday was our first night of injections and I felt fine for the most part on Tuesday. The only thing I noticed were little headaches that came and went. I felt good enough to go to the gym for an hour and walk on the treadmill (and elliptical for like 7 minutes).  After hearing it from everyone, I won't be going on the elliptical anymore. Promise! On Wednesday I had on and off again headaches, but nothing to where I needed Tylenol. After work I felt exhausted and could have gone to sleep, but went out to dinner with my friends Traci and Emily and their kiddos, followed by an exciting trip to Costco. 

Yesterday afternoon I thought I was going to fall asleep in the car as my coworker and I were out in the field. Thankfully she was driving so I got to relax. I got home from work at about 5:50, fed the dogs, showered and was asleep in bed by 6:20. I was EXHAUSTED. I slept until Chris woke me up when he came home at about 8:45pm. We did the injections, ate a snack and were back in bed by 10. 

The injections have been going well. I feel like a pin cushion lately with those and getting blood drawn everytime I have an appointment.  Chris is pretty much a pro at stabbing me and oddly enough, we both look forward to doing the injections every night.  I've just felt a little tender in the areas I get them, but so far no bruising, swelling or bloating has happened. 

At today's appointment, Dr. Norian checked my follicles and uterine lining. My lining still looked good, but it was on the thinner side. He said he'll keep monitoring it and eventually I'll have to start taking estrogen. The medications have a tendency to thin the lining, so that gets fixed with a little estrogen support. And thankfully that comes in pill form. My ovaries looked great. My follicles, which house my little eggs, are ranging from 12 mm to 6 mm and are growing right on track.  Dr. Norian said he likes to see 3-4 follicles measuring no less than 17 mm for the retrieval.  I had 8-9 follicles on each ovary, but my left ovary had the smaller ones. Looks like my right ovary is gonna be the superstar! 

On Sunday I'll be starting a 3rd injection called Ganirelix which is used to prevent early ovulation.  And with the extra injection comes an increase in Menopur. Instead of one vial of Menopur, I'll be doing two. Yayyyy for injections. My next appointment is on Monday at 11am and we should have a better idea some time next week when the egg retrieval will be. I'm guessing Saturday the 19th : ) 

And in case you're curious about the whole IVF process, here's a short video you can watch on YouTube: http://youtu.be/eQQcrlMYbic

Alissha 

It's a go!

At our appointment this morning I had my baseline ultrasound to check my ovaries and follicles before starting injections. My ovaries looked good still, with 3-4 follicles on each ovary. My cyst on my right Fallopian tube was no where to be found and there weren't any cysts on my ovaries. Dr. Norian said it's normal for women to get cysts throughout their cycle and he was pleased with what he saw on the ultrasound.  He gave us the go ahead to start injections tonight and go over how to administer them with the nurse. 

So, we met with the nurse and she went over how to prepare the medication and administer them.  We gave her all of the paperwork and consents we had to sign (30 pages worth). The paperwork basically went over the risks involved with doing IVF, the procedures and medication.  The results from my genetic test were in and according to the test, I am a carrier for Pseudocholinesterase Deficiency.  What the eff is that?? Well, apparently it "causes sensitivity to particular forms of surgical anesthesia. After receiving these drugs, people may experience a longer than normal period of breathing paralysis, but medical teams are typically equipped to handle such an event. The condition does not cause any other symptoms."  Nothing serious and the chances of Chris being a carrier for the same thing no one has ever even freaking heard of is pretty rare.  Nonetheless, Dr. Norian highly suggested Chris complete the genetic test as well so that's what we did. We should get those results in a couple of weeks. 

After our appointment, I had to go get my blood drawn to check my estrogen levels. The doctor wants them to be at a certain level throughout the cycle so my ovaries don't get hyperstimulated and to see if my medication needs to be adjusted. The nurse told me if I didn't hear from her before the end of closing at 5, my levels were normal and to move forward with the injections.  

I didn't hear from her, so we did the injections tonight! I will have two injections every night, preferably at the same time, until the doctor or nurse tells me otherwise.  I have my next appointment on Friday to see how I'm responding to the medication and I will more than likely start a 3rd injection over the weekend. The injections themselves were not bad at all. They are really small needles and Chris was gentle when he injected them. He prepared the injections tonight and I'll prepare them tomorrow so I can be familiar with preparing them as well. So, keep your fingers crossed and say a prayer for us that I respond well to the medication and things continue to go smoothly for us. 

Alissha 

On our way! 

The medication, needles and syringes 

The top injection is Follistim, a pre-filled syringe kind of like an Epi Pen and the bottom one is Menopur. We had to mix the powder with saline solution and draw it up. 

Prepping my belly! 

Follistim 

Menopur. This one stings a bit as it's going in. 

No pain, no gain! Grow follicles, grow! 

Syringes, needles and meds oh my!

Today I received all of the medication I could possibly need for our IVF cycle. To say there's a lot is an understatement. There's pills, lozenges, vaginal suppositories (yuck), vials of medication, pre-filled syringes, patches and empty syringes and needles for us to draw up some of the medication ourselves. 

On Monday, July 7th, we have our next appointment where we will learn how to do the injections and draw up the medication ourselves at home.  When we were going through the IUI's last year, I had to do one injection in my belly that Chris gladly did for me about 36 hours before the procedure.  I'm not afraid of needles at all and I could have done it myself, but with everything I have to go through and do it's nice to give him something to be a part of.... In a weird way haha.  So if his work schedule permits, he will be the one injecting the medication in my belly every day.  If not, I'll have my dear friend Traci stabbing me ; ) 

On Monday I'll also have a baseline ultrasound done to check my ovaries and follicles before I start the medication. At our last appointment, I had four follicles on each ovary and the doctor was happy to see that many. I'm anxious to see how many more follicles my ovaries will produce after being on all this crazy medication. I've heard horror stories that your ovaries can swell to the size of softballs because there's so many follicles. No more Googleing. If all goes well on Monday, I'll start the medication that night and will be going in every few days for blood work and ultrasounds to check the progress of my follicles! 

Alissha