5 Months

Caleb, 

This month you've seemed to grow so much developmentally and do something new every single day. You're quite the chatter box and make all sorts of noises.  You make sure to let us know when you don't like something and when you get to talking, you usually go from 0 to 100 in a few seconds. We always tell you to slow down because you get so worked up you'll start to cry. You started your 5th month sleeping so much better at night. You would go down easy at night, only wake 2-3 times at night and not get up until 8 am. One day you didn't wake up until 9! However, the last week or so you've been consistently waking up every two hours and now you're waking up between 6 and 7. I'm one tired momma, but I'm taking it all in stride because I know it's just a phase. In the mornings your dad has been getting up with you and reading to you while I get a few extra minutes of sleep. I love listening to him read to you. It makes me so happy to know he gets to spend the mornings with you before he goes to work because you're usually asleep by the time he gets home. Your naps are hit and miss. Some days you'll take great naps and other days you fight them like he plague and only nap 20 minutes. You seriously don't want to miss anything and I wish you understood how amazing sleep is! You still refuse to nap in your crib and I've stopped stressing about it.... for now. 

You're still breastfeeding like a champ and love the boobs. But, so long are the days where I could just relax with you while you nurse. You are so active and distracted while you're nursing now. If you hear something, you instantly pop off to see what it was and you're always looking around. You also like to punch, smack, pinch and kick me while you nurse now. You rarely ever lay still anymore and sometimes you break the skin when you pinch me. I also have a few bruises on my arms from you kicking. But despite the abuse I endure, I wouldn't trade breastfeeding you for the world. It truly is a special bond that we have and I still get a few moments where we stare into each other's eyes and you smile up at me. Breastfeeding has gotten so much easier and I'm at the point where I'm okay with you weaning when you're ready. I pray you don't decide to wean before a year though. I'll be extremely sad the day you decide you're done breastfeeding. 

As much as I hate to admit it, I'm pretty sure you're teething. You chew on everything and drool like crazy.  You like to play with your extra saliva in your mouth like you're chewing something and you've started sucking your bottom lip. You've clamped down while nursing a few times and that is no fun, so I can only imagine what it'll be like when your teeth pop through! 

You've discovered your feet this month and love grabbing them. You arch your back now and try to throw yourself backwards when we hold you. You're rolling over from your belly to back more often and trying hard to roll from your back to belly.  You're able to roll to your side with no problem and grab your toys. You love watching TV, especially football, and pulling your burp cloth or lovey over your face.  You'll cover your face and flail around like you can't pull it off, but you totally can. I think you like feeling the cloth on your face with your hot breath. You're able to sit up with little assistance and I know it's only a matter of time before you can sit up on your own. You totally notice when your dad and I leave the room and start crying when no one is paying attention to you. As soon as someone walks over and acknowledges you, you start smiling and laughing. In the beginning of the month you started doing a fake cough when no one was paying attention to you. It was quite ridiculous, but worked every time.

You, my dear son, have us wrapped around your finger and know how to make our hearts melt. You've become such a flirt and love looking at other babies. I can't believe how much your growing and changing. You're so much fun and bring so much joy to us and everyone around you. You have no idea how much you're loved and adored. I love you like crazy, baby boy. 

Momma 

4 Months

Caleb,

You had another exciting month! You rolled over for the first time from your belly to back and held your bottle all by yourself!  I cried both times because you're just growing up so fast! You haven't rolled over since, but you're getting so much better at tummy time and you don't cry or fuss when we put you on your belly. You can push yourself up to get a better view of everything around you and you're starting to enjoy it a little more. You're also reaching for toys and still love putting everything in your mouth. You started grabbing our hands and bringing them to your mouth to suck on.  And speaking of grabbing things, you started grabbing my hair and earrings this month so I've been wearing my hair in a pony tail most days.  You're drooling so much that your dad and I have wondered if you're starting to teethe, but we don't feel anything quite yet. I'm really hoping you don't get teeth anytime soon because I'm not looking forward to the first time you bite me while you're nursing! You play with your tongue all.the.time and love blowing bubbles and raspberries. You're also becoming more vocal and talking up a storm! You make the cutest facial expressions when you talk, like you're really trying to get your point across. 

You're still sleeping about the same and we had some really rough patches this month where you would wake up every hour and a half to two hours at night wanting to be held or nursed. Thankfully that has passed.... For now.  We started your bedtime routine an hour earlier because you were getting overly tired and not the happiest baby in the evenings. You rub your eyes when you're sleepy now and since we moved your bedtime earlier, you don't fight going to bed as much. 

We went to Texas this month to visit your Uncle Greg and Aunt Danielle and you did great on your first plane ride! You didn't fuss much and even slept both ways.  Southwest gave you a certificate for your first flight and a pair of wings! Your Uncle Greg and Aunt Danielle are expecting their first baby (your first cousin!) and we went to their gender ultrasound and found out they're expecting a boy! We are so excited that you guys will be so close in age and you'll have someone to play with. We can't wait for them to move back to California! In Texas you didn't sleep the greatest, but that was to be expected and when we came home you settled right back in to your normal routine. Your dad and I are going to start sleep training to start better sleep habits for you and to keep our sanity! Sleep deprivation is REAL and part of me can't wait until your a teenager when I can wake you up bright and early on the weekends : ) 

You had your 4 month check up and shots today and you are a big boy! You're in the 90th percentile for length and Dr. Nauertz is estimating you'll be 6'3" or 6'4"! I shouldn't be so surprised since your dad and I are tall.  You're in the 75th percentile for weight and meeting all of your developmental milestones. You handled your shots like a champ and only cried for a few minutes before I nursed you. After you nursed you acted like nothing had happened. 

You are such a happy baby and totally learning how to flirt. You're the biggest cheese ball and love smiling. I got you to laugh this month and it's the most adorable thing ever.  You looooove eating still and are starting to get distracted with things around you while nursing. You love playing "Peek-a-boob" as your Grandma Benson likes to call it. You'll be toward the end of nursing, pop off, look up at me, smile or talk, then act like you're going to nurse again and do it all over again. It's the cutest thing ever and you totally know how to make me laugh. I am such a sucker for your cute smile and baby talk. 

I love watching you grow and change every single day. You have blessed me and your dad more than you'll ever know and are truly our miracle baby. You bring us so much joy and happiness and have shown us what unconditional love is all about. You'll always be my baby boy, Caleb, and I'll forever continue to give you kisses and tell you how much I love and adore you. Thank you for being mine. 

Momma 

3 Months

Caleb, 

This month was pretty crazy for us. We had an unexpected trip to Northern California because your Great Grandpa fell and broke his hip.  When he fell, he cut open his arm which led to an infection and a stay in ICU.  He had surgery and is now on the mend, but during our week stay up North your routine got completely thrown off and you started waking up more often at night.  You were able to meet a lot of family while we were in Northern California, but unfortunately you didn't get the opportunity to meet your Great Grandpa because no one under the age of 12 could visit in the ICU.  We will be going back to visit your Great Grandpa in the next month or so since he is out of the hospital now. He's a pretty amazing man and I'm looking forward to you meeting him. 

When we came back from up North, we transitioned you out of the rock 'n play and into your pack 'n play in our room.  We thought your were outgrowing your rock 'n play and getting frustrated because you couldn't stretch out your legs. You were starting to do okay in the pack 'n play when a week after we got back from up North, you and I drove to Arizona with your Aunt Nichole to visit your Grandma and Grandpa Haislip. Our week home wasn't long enough to get you back on your routine, so our trip to Arizona only threw your sleep off more. Your dad wasn't able to go with us on this trip and he missed you like crazy. 

When we got back from Arizona, your sleep just continued to go down hill and I was at a loss on how to make it better.  A day before you turned 3 months old, we moved you into your crib. I wasn't ready for you to be out of our room yet, but something had to give so we decided to try it. Much to my surprise, you did amazing the first night in your crib and didn't even take your pacifier.  You went down without a fight and slept for 4 hours before waking to nurse again.  I unfortunately did not sleep well at all and found myself checking the monitor frequently to make sure you were okay. I clearly had a harder time than you.  You're still napping in your swing during the day and eventually I'll move you into your crib for naps, but I'm taking one thing at a time and trying my hardest not to stress about it. 

You continue to amaze me and your dad on a daily basis.  Despite not having the best sleeping habits, you're such a happy baby and smile all the time.  You love sucking on your fingers and will often gag yourself, but that doesn't stop you from putting them right back in. You've gotten better at sucking your thumb too.  You're able to bring toys and your lovey, Foxy, to your mouth.  I know your vision has improved this month as well because you started tracking objects and me and your dad. When you're laying in your swing and we come close to you, you get really excited and start kicking your legs and smiling. You definitely know who we are.  We're still working on tummy time and I have a feeling that as soon as you get the hang of pushing yourself up, you'll want nothing to do with being on your back.  You love looking at yourself in the mirror and make the most adorable noises when you catch a glimpse of yourself while playing. 

We've reached the half way point to my first goal of breastfeeding and I'm pretty proud of us.  I'm taking it one day at a time and enjoying the bond we have through breastfeeding. I love when I look down at you and you look up at me with a big smile. In those moments all is right in the world and I feel so much love from you. You sure know how to melt my heart little man. 

Time is going by way too fast and as much as I'm looking forward to watching you grow, I wish time would slow down just a bit so I can enjoy snuggling my baby a little more. Before we know it, you'll be crawling and wanting to be even more independent and I know I'll miss these moments.  You are such a little ham and I absolutely adore you. Thank you for being mine, baby boy. I love you.

Momma 

2 Month Post Partum Update

I haven't done a post partum update in quite a while, so here it goes! 

As far as weight loss, I still have about 6 pounds to lose to get back to my pre-pregnancy weight and a lot of toning to do. I make it to the gym MAYBE once a week if I'm lucky and go for walks about twice a week.  It's definitely not as much as I'd like, but with this crazy hot weather I don't want to take Caleb out when it's 90+ degrees and getting to the gym has proven to be harder than I thought. I'd love to start personal training and do some classes that are offered at my gym, but I'm on Caleb's schedule and going to the gym around his ever changing feeding schedule and when Chris is home works best right now. I know I could pump and give Caleb a bottle so I could have some more flexibility in my schedule, but I feel so guilty when I give him a bottle- even though I know he's still getting breast milk. I know it sounds crazy, but I can't help it. It's just so much easier to give him the boob then pump and give him a bottle, even if it means I'm limited on what I can do when I want to do it.  I know over time I'll be able to get to the gym more and turn some of this squishyness into muscle.

I'm trying not to obsess over my body, but it's pretty hard. I'm hungry all the time because I'm breastfeeding and sometimes I don't make the best food choices, so then I get mad at myself for not cleaning up my diet better. It's true you burn a lot of calories while breastfeeding, but you definitely can't eat whatever you want either and expect to still lose weight.  So, I definitely need to make improvements in that aspect and start doing more at home exercises for the time being. 

Breastfeeding is going well overall.  Before having Caleb I didn't realize how demanding and exhausting it can be. But despite all of that, I'm happy I'm breastfeeding and giving Caleb the very best.  We're over the painful stage and it's actually enjoyable now that we had his lip and tongue ties corrected. It took a few weeks for the pain to go away, but I'm thankful I kept at it.  My first goal is to make it 6 months and if that's going well for us, we'll try to make it a year. I don't foresee us breastfeeding past a year.  I just can't come to terms with breastfeeding a toddler, but more power to moms who can and do. 

Emotionally, I definitely had the baby blues but nothing too awful. I didn't experience it until about a month post partum which totally caught me off guard. I thought I was past it when it didn't hit me within a week or two post partum. I started having feelings of inadequacy and crying when I thought the only thing Caleb wanted from me were my boobs (which was true lol). I didn't think I could soothe or comfort him and started doubting my ability to be a good mom. I remember just feeling awful and at a loss. I couldn't even explain how I was feeling to Chris, so I would just cry.  Thankfully that has passed and I feel a lot more confident in being a mom.  I still have moments where I cry, but it's mostly because I miss the freedom I used to have to go do things whenever I wanted. Adjusting to mommy hood is hard and nothing you do can prepare you for it until you have a baby.  Everyone always tells you to enjoy your freedom before having a baby and to do whatever you want because once baby is here, your whole life changes. And that's true, but I still don't think that makes up for it when baby arrives. It's just a huge adjustment. Everything revolves around this little person who needs you to survive and you're on their schedule. They could really care less if you didn't eat, shower, pee, brush your teeth, put deodorant on, get out of your pajamas all day or even sleep. It's exhausting, but the most rewarding thing in the world.  

I officially resigned from my position with the County this month and although I knew all along I was going to resign and be a stay at home mom, I still cried the day I gave my resignation letter.  I've worked since I was 15 1/2 and went to college for 6 years to start my career as a Social Worker and something about not working in that capacity anymore seems so final. I know my degree will never expire and I can always go back to the County if I want, but it was still a bittersweet moment.  I enjoyed my job for the most part, but I won't miss the unpredictable hours and office politics. However, I will miss the adrenaline rush I would get from working certain investigations, saving kids from awful situations and the interesting characters I'd encounter on a daily basis. But I still  couldn't imagine working for the County and being a mom. Props to all my fellow CPS moms who can do both.  

Being a stay at home mom is the toughest job ever. It's never ending. It doesn't end at 5 pm and I don't get weekends or holidays off.  There's no vacation or sick days and my supervisor is the most demanding one I've ever had.  But, it's all worth it. I'll never regret staying home with Caleb and getting to experience all of his milestones first hand.  He'll never be this little again and we'll never get this time back.  Eventually, I'll go back to work in some capacity but not until he is older and can tell me what's going on when he's away from me.  And by then, hopefully we'll have another little one and I'll be at home a little bit longer.  But for now, I plan my days according to Caleb and set little goals for myself every day.  It's amazing how one little chore can take you allllll day to compete while caring for a baby.  My days go by too quickly and by the time 5 pm rolls around I'm always wondering what the hell I did all day or what I accomplished. 

That's right, I took care of a little human all day and made sure his needs were met before my own. Silly me. 

I've learned to let little things go and not stress if the dishes didn't get done, if the house hasn't been dusted or the carpets vacuumed and floors cleaned as frequently as I'd like. Cause you know what? It'll eventually get done and Caleb doesn't care if the house is a hot mess. Over time I know it'll get easier and he'll be able to entertain himself for longer periods of time so I can do more, but for now I'm enjoying this stage as much as I can and trying not to be so hard on myself. 

Alissha 

Caleb is 2 Months Old!

Caleb,

You've had a busy 2nd month my little man.  It started with getting your upper lip and tongue tie corrected because we were having some issues with nursing.  You handled it pretty well, but you did not like your arms being held down while the procedure was done.  You cried the most blood curdling cry and it made me so sad, I started crying too.  After the procedure was done, you were totally fine and nursed right away.  We decided to have them both corrected because I was in quite a bit of pain while nursing you and you weren't getting a good suction, so you were swallowing a lot of air that made you gassy and uncomfortable.  It took a few weeks for my pain to go away while nursing, but it's so much better now and I'm thankful we had it done.  

You're breastfeeding like a champ and growing so fast!  This month you started wearing size 1 diapers and are in 3-6 month clothes.  You're a chunky monkey and have so many adorable rolls.  You had your 2 month check up and shots today.  You're in the 75th percentile for length and 80th percentile for weight.  You cried when you got your shots, but stopped almost immediately when they were done. You're such a strong boy!

Eating is still one of your favorite things to do, but you also love being outside and exploring the world around you. You are so much more alert this month and really seem to be analyzing everything that catches your eye. You can hold your head up pretty well, but still have bobble head moments and you've head butted me more times than I can count.  It doesn't seem to phase you, but I'm just waiting for the day I get a black eye or bruised nose!  You found your thumb this month, but most of the time that silly little thing can't make it into your mouth so you result to sucking on your hands instead.  You love laying on your back and kicking your legs and arms out.  Sometimes out of nowhere, you'll throw your arms and legs out at once and we call that "Starfish." It's pretty exciting.  

You love looking at ceiling fans, lights and pictures.  You don't mind getting your diaper changed and you still pee on us from time to time. We're just not fast enough with diaper changes yet! Baths are still one of your favorite things too and you just love laying in the water.  You started splashing and being more active in your bathtub this month as well.  This month you went in the pool for the first time at Grandma Desiree and Grandpa Jim's house in Arizona and you loved it! You're such a water baby. 

You're smiling so much more and you definitely know who your mom and dad are.  My heart melts when I change you in the middle of the night and you look at me with a huge smile.  It makes it all worth it!  You've discovered you can make so many different sounds with your voice. You grunt, gurgle, coo and squeal. I love "talking" with you and hearing your crazy stories.  

You're a pretty independent and easy going baby.  You don't fuss much and when you do, it's usually because you're hungry, tired or want to change positions/see something new.  You're not a clingy baby and sometimes you don't like to be snuggled when you're fussy.  Most of the time if I try to cuddle you to soothe you, you fight me even harder so I'll lay you down and you're perfectly content.  You're able to self soothe and put yourself to sleep most of the time.  You're still sleeping in your Rock 'n Play in our room, but we're starting to slowly transition you to your crib. We rarely turn on the rocking motion any more so that you get used to sleeping without it and so far, you're doing pretty good.  We've tried putting you down in your crib for naps during the day and the most you've slept is about 10 minutes.  You don't really care for your crib right now, but we're working on it.  You gave us one 5 hour stretch of sleep this month! It was amazing.  For the most part, you'll sleep for 3 1/2-4 hours then wake up to nurse and go back down for 2 more hours. You've been napping more in the mornings and after 12/1, you're usually awake until you go down for bed between 9 and 10. 

I officially resigned from my job this month so I can stay home with you. Your dad and I worked hard to pay things off so we could make it possible and I'm very thankful for this opportunity. Money might be a little tight, but I couldn't imagine dropping you off with someone else to take care of you during the day while I go to work.  You change so much and I want to be the one to experience all of your "first" rather than hearing about them.  I can be selfish, I'm your mommy!

This month you met the man who made our dreams come true when we took you to Huntington Reproductive Center in Rancho Cucamonga.  Dr. Norian was so excited to meet you and hold you.  He's really a pretty awesome guy and we're looking forward to working with him again in the future to give you a sibling, if we don't get pregnant on our own. 

You're such a good baby, Caleb.  I love you more and more every single day and am honored to be your mommy.  Thank you for being mine.  

Momma 

1 Month

Caleb,

It's been one month since you were born and made my dreams of being a mommy come true. This month has been the hardest of my life and to say I'm exhausted is an understatement. You're the hardest job I've ever had, little man, and despite all of the tears, frustration and feelings of inadequacy I wouldn't trade it for the world. We're still learning each other and figuring this whole thing out.

I am so thankful for your father. They say a baby doesn't make a marriage or relationship stronger, that if you don't have a strong foundation a baby can tear a couple apart. Well, Caleb.... You have definitely given us a run for our money this month, but we've held it together. When I can't handle it any more and don't know what else to do, your father is there, eager to help me and learn with me. There have been plenty of nights where one of us loses it and can't handle it, but the other person has managed to keep it together and take care of you. I don't know what I'd do without your dad. I am so thankful for him. You are truly lucky to have such an awesome, loving, caring and devoted father. 

We've made it a whole month breastfeeding and we've had some bumps in the road, but we're working them out. I'm committed to sticking with it despite all the pain and frustration because I know it will pass and things will get better. It's the best thing for you and me and one thing you'll learn soon enough is that your momma doesn't give up when things get hard or rough. I'm pretty stubborn and hard headed. 

You have grown so much this month, it's amazing. It scares me how fast time is going and how much you've changed in one month. You are so much more alert now and although you don't quite make eye contact with us yet, you definitely pay more attention to me and your dad when we talk to you. I've gotten a few genuine smiles out of you this last week and it's the most adorable thing ever. You can lift your head pretty well, but sometimes it's still pretty wobbly. Understandably so though- you've got one big head kid. You roll from one side to the other and don't care for tummy time much, but we're working on it. You love bath time and get so relaxed in the tub. You also love your car seat and car rides. If you're fussy, you usually calm down within 5 seconds of being in your car seat/in the car. You also love to eat and make the weirdest noises when you nurse. We call you our little pterodactyl and constantly laugh at all of your noises. You don't like waiting more than a few seconds to eat and have developed actual tears. You like to fight your sleep quite a bit and sleep for 2-3 hours in between feedings. We've had a few 4 hour stretches, but I think we're still a few weeks away from those being the norm. 

Caleb, you are an amazing baby and have made me so proud. You are beautiful, handsome, strong and the perfect little baby for us. Thank you for being mine. I love you more than you'll ever know. 

Momma

2 Week Update

Today Caleb is 2 weeks old. 2 weeks! Time is going by so fast, it's scary. Little man got circumcised today and Chris stayed with him while the procedure was done.  I'm thankful I didn't watch based on what Chris told me, but Caleb handled it so well and we'll be doing lots of skin to skin today to keep him calm and soothe him. I hope it heals fast and he doesn't have much discomfort while it heals. Caleb is definitely not starving! He's gained 12 ounces in a week, putting his current weight at 8 lbs 12 ounces!! His pediatrician told us he should be back at his birth weight by his two week check up and he has more than surpassed that. He also grew another quarter of an inch and is 20 1/2 inches long.  We thought he was going to have another well baby check up today, but apparently there was a mix up with appointments and after his pediatrician reviewed Caleb's weight and measurements he appears to be fine and another appointment isn't necessary. He won't go back until he's 2 months old

This last week has been a lot of trial and error and all 3 of us have had our fair share of meltdowns. When people tell you having a newborn and raising a child is the hardest job you'll ever have, they aren't joking. I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have Chris to go to for support and help. I seriously don't know how single parents do it. We constantly tell ourselves it's going to get better and it's a good thing Caleb is so damn cute... Even when he's screaming his head off at 3 o'clock in the morning and Chris and I are running off an hour of sleep. 

Speaking of sleep.... Caleb has proven to be a night owl and he wants nothing to do with sleeping between the hours of 12 and 4ish. This week we've tried exclusively breastfeeding during the day and giving breast milk in a bottle at night and then we've tried exclusively breastfeeding during the day and night. All I have to say is props to moms who can exclusively breastfeed 24/7, especially this early on. Caleb is a champ at nursing, but at night it's become more about soothing him than eating which leads to me being up for hours trying to put him back down to sleep to only get up 5-10 minutes later and "nurse" him again cause he's crying and nothing else will soothe him. It's exhausting. So, I think we'll be going back to nursing as much as possible during the day and giving a bottle at night. Chris has to remind me that just because we're giving him a bottle doesn't mean I'm failing at breastfeeding. He's still getting breast milk and that's the most important thing. 

Caleb had some episodes of spitting up yesterday which I think was a result of being overfed. I was nursing him on both sides and I think it was too much for his little belly to handle. When I pump now I'm getting about 2 ounces on each side, which is very reassuring. My supply continues to increase and I hope we'll have a stock pile of breast milk in the fridge/freezer soon. 

Despite my meltdowns in the middle of the night, occasional irritability and lack of sleep, I'm doing okay. At least I THINK I'm doing okay.  I have moments where I feel great and confident that Chris and I are doing everything well and then other moments where I'm just at a loss and feel like nothing I or we do is right. From what I hear, that's all normal. My hormones are still trying to get back in check and I don't think I've had any postpartum depression. I'm anxious to get back in the gym and I'm waiting to hear back from my OB-GYN when it's safe to do so. I've lost another 5 lbs this week and I'm only about 5 lbs away from my pre-pregnancy weight. We've been trying to go on walks when the weather is nice and little man wants to cooperate. It feels great to get out and get some fresh air. Caleb loves his car seat and being on the move either in his stroller or in the car. 

Yesterday we had his newborn pictures and got a sneak peak at one of the images already. We're so anxious to see the rest! I think that's all for this week. I want to change the name of the blog and I'm thinking of ideas. If you have any ideas/suggestions, feel free to let me know! 

Alissha

Labor and Delivery & 1 week postpartum update

Caleb was born on July 7, 2015, at 3:40 am after nearly 60 hours of labor.  Our little guy weighed 8 lbs, 4 oz and was 20 inches long. My labor and Caleb's delivery didn't go quite as planned and a lot of what we had in our birth plan went out the window as my labor progressed, but he is healthy and that's all that matters. Here's how it all went down....... 

On July 4, 2015, I started having contractions at about 8:30 pm. They were very sporadic and varied in intensity, so we decided to wait it out and see if it was the real deal. I didn't sleep the best that night as every time I would get comfortable, another contraction would come. The following morning, the contractions continued. I used my labor ball and breathing techniques I learned in our birth classes to get through the contractions as we tracked them. At about 3 pm on July 5, 2015, they started coming every 5 minutes. 

After the women's World Cup game (Go USA!) on July 5th, we decided to go to the hospital and get checked out.  At 7 pm we were put in a labor & delivery room and I changed into the pretty little hospital gown. An hour later, I was checked and I was only dilated to 1/2 a centimeter, but 90% effaced.  My blood pressure was on the higher end, which I know was only due to the anxiety/pain/stress of what was going on, so I was admitted. I continued to have strong contractions, but wasn't dilating on my own. Eventually at 12 am on July 6th, a balloon catheter was used to dilate my cervix to a 3 in an attempt to get my labor to progress.  Within 30 minutes the catheter fell out on its own and I was dilated to a 4. That motivated me to continue laboring naturally and fight through the pain of each contraction. However, I was checked again at about 3:30 am and there were no changes.  I was still at a 4.  After 31 hours of laboring on my own, I was physically exhausted and couldn't manage the pain any more so I decided to get an epidural. I feel like I put up a good fight on my own and did the best I could without an epidural, but something had to give and I needed to relax. That epidural was heaven sent and quickly became my new best friend! 

At 6:30 am, I was checked again and there was still no progress.  The doctor broke my water hoping I would start to dilate on my own, but that still didn't work. Eventually, I was put on pitocin and was pretty much maxed out on the amount I could get over the next 12 or so hours.  I  was checked every few hours and either made little progress or none at all. At about 10 pm on July 6th, Chris and I discussed having a c-section instead of continuing on pitocin in hopes of a vaginal delivery because I wasn't dilating fast enough.  However, when the doctor checked me again I was dilated to a 9, 100% effaced and Caleb was at +2 station. I dilated to a 10 around 1 am on July 7th and got the urge to push at 2:15 am.  After an hour and 25 minutes of pushing, Caleb was born.  It was the most amazing experience to see him for the first time and I am now a believer in love at first sight! 

While Caleb was on my chest doing skin to skin after delivery, he was having some breathing issues as it sounded like there was fluid in his lungs that couldn't be suctioned out. The doctor had the NICU team come over to do an assessment on Caleb and they decided it would be best to take Caleb to their mini NICU to clear his airways. Chris went with Caleb and within 15-20 minutes, Caleb was back on my chest. He had quite a bit of fluid/boogers in his nose and chest that had to be suctioned out. Blood was also drawn to check for any infections due to my water being broken 18 hours before delivery. 

We spent the next 30 minutes or so bonding and then were transferred to a post-partum room.  Later that day, we were told Caleb's lab work came back negative for infection but his numbers were slightly elevated and they were going to do another blood draw later on to compare his labs.  

The following day, July 8th, Caleb had a little jaundice and his labs came back; some came back within normal range and some were elevated. The attending pediatrician told us she believed Caleb was fine as he was born full term, eating well and appeared healthy, but she wanted to run the situation by the attending NICU doctor. At about 11 am, the pediatrician told us the hospital would like to admit Caleb to the NICU due to his elevated lab work and jaundice. I instantly started crying and when the NICU team arrived to get Caleb, I felt like my heart was being ripped out of my chest. It was the worst feeling ever and I'm pretty sure I cried for the next 24 hours. Caleb was put on two different antibiotics and placed under the bilirubin light to help his jaundice. Seeing him hooked up to IVs, monitors and not being able to hold him whenever we wanted to due to being under the lights was heartbreaking. He stayed under the lights for 16 hours and continued on the antibiotics for 48 hours. Every 12 hours, labs were taken and they all came back negative and his numbers were within normal range. On Friday, July 10th, Caleb was officially discharged from the NICU and we were able to bring him home!  

Our first night home was a little rough trying to adjust to each other and get to know Caleb, but every night has gotten better. While Caleb was in the NICU, he was given a pacifier and formula to supplement while my milk was still coming in.  We originally did not plan on introducing a pacifier at all or bottle to Caleb until he was 4-6 weeks old so we could prevent nipple confusion, but he has done amazing going back and forth between breast and bottle. He is no longer getting formula, but the paci has stuck around. Little man just loves to suck and if it's not his paci, it's his hands. We only use the pacifier when he's fussy and needs to be soothed. We don't want Caleb to get in the habit of having a pacifier 24/7 and definitely don't want him becoming dependent on it. He is nursing like a champ and thankfully my milk has finally come in. We nurse during the day and I pump at night so he can take a bottle in the middle of the night when we don't want to do marathon feeding sessions. It just makes it easier for all parties involved and he's still getting my breast milk.

Caleb is sleeping 3-4 hours at a time and is so alert. He is already lifting his head and rolling onto his side. He had  his first check up with his pediatrician yesterday and he is just 4 ounces away from being back at his birth weight and he's already grown a quarter of an inch! He is truly amazing and we couldn't have asked for a better baby. 

As for me, I feel great. I did have some crazy swelling in my feet, legs, hips and hooha for a few days after delivery, but 5 days post partum I was able to wear a pair of pre-pregnancy jeans and I'm about 10 pounds away from my pre-pregnancy weight. I am amazed with my body and what a woman's body is capable of. I carried and nourished Caleb for nearly 10 months in my womb, delivered him vaginally and now I am able to breastfeed him. I don't think I've ever felt so confident in my body and proud of it. I am so looking forward to getting back in the gym, lifting weights and building back some of the muscle tone I lost during the pregnancy. Healthy mommy equals healthy, happy baby and I certainly don't want to let myself go now that little man is here. 

Chris has been amazing and I couldn't have asked for a better partner to share this journey with. He never left my side during labor and delivery and was so supportive during the whole process. He is an amazing father to Caleb and loves spending time with him. He helps me during the day and at night which helps tremendously now that we have a routine established that seems to be working just fine for little man.

I am truly blessed and will forever be grateful for Huntington Reproductive Center, Dr. Norian and his staff for making our dream a reality. Although my labor and delivery wasn't what we had planned initially, I would do it all over again in a heartbeat. I loved being pregnant, am so grateful I was able to have a vaginal delivery and I'm enjoying every minute of being a mommy. Caleb will no doubt have a sibling or two in the future 😍 

Alissha

39 weeks

How far along? 39 weeks! 

Baby is the size of a: A watermelon, 19-22 inches long and almost 7 pounds.

Total weight gain: 34 pounds. 

Stretch marks? Still have the one in between my belly button piercing and  a few small ones on my sides. 

Maternity clothes? Everyday! Maternity pants/shorts, maxi skirts and dresses. 

Sleep: Same as last week. I wake up about every two hours to go pee and switch what side I'm laying on.

Best moment this week: Finding out my body is starting to prepare for labor. Not that it means I'll be going into labor any time soon, but at least it's doing something! 

Miss anything? Nothing other than the usual.... 

Food cravings: Nada. 

Anything making you queasy or sick? Nope!

Gender: BOY!!!!! 

Labor signs: Lots of Braxton Hicks.... They come all the time and can be pretty uncomfortable. Also getting menstrual like cramps low in my abdomen pretty regularly and I've definitely dropped. 

Symptoms: Still peeing all the time, the joints in my hands and feet have been sore/swollen the last few weeks, occasional swelling in my feet/ankles, braxton hicks, rib pain and sharp pinching pains in my cervix. 

Belly button in or out?  It's slowly making itself an outtie. 

Wedding rings on or off: Off. I wear them on a necklace around my neck. 

Happy or moody most of the time:  Im equally happy and moody. Still a sassafras.

Looking forward to: Meeting our little guy! 

At our appointment on Thursday, my doctor check my cervix for any changes and I'm officially 1/2 centimeter dilated and 60% effaced. He said my cervix has softened and is doing all the right things to prepare for labor. When he checked me, he actually felt Caleb's head which is super weird! He offered to strip my membranes to hopefully get labor started, but we opted not to since we aren't even to my due date. As much as we can't wait to meet Caleb, we want my body to do as much as it can on its own before any interventions. We have our next appointment, if we make it that far, on the 9th (my due date). If we're still playing the waiting game, we'll consider stripping my membranes to start the process. However, I really don't think we'll make it to next Thursday. I've been cramping pretty consistently lately and having a ton of Braxton Hicks contractions. I'm trying to walk every day for at least 30 minutes and bounce on my birthing ball to get him to drop lower. 

Alissha  

38 weeks

How far along? 38 weeks! 

Baby is the size of a: A pumpkin, 19-22 inches long and almost 7 pounds.

Total weight gain: 33 pounds. 

Stretch marks? Along with the one between my belly button piercing, I finally got a few small ones on my  sides. 

Maternity clothes? Everyday! Maternity pants/shorts, maxi skirts and dresses. 

Sleep: Its been rough this week. I wake up several times at night and I'm starting to have a hard time getting comfortable. The weight of my belly is starting to take its toll and putting a lot of pressure on my ribs. Thank God I've been able to take naps during the day. 

Best moment this week: Getting Caleb's nursery completely organized and everything washed and put away. The only thing missing is him!

Miss anything? Nothing other than the usual.... 

Food cravings: Nada. 

Anything making you queasy or sick? Nope!

Gender: BOY!!!!! 

Labor signs: Lots of Braxton Hicks.... They come all the time and can be pretty uncomfortable. 

Symptoms: Still peeing all the time, the joints in my hands and feet have been sore/swollen the last few weeks, occasional swelling in my feet/ankles and braxton hicks. 

Belly button in or out?  It's slowly making itself an outtie. 

Wedding rings on or off: Off. I wear them on a necklace around my neck. 

Happy or moody most of the time:  Im equally happy and moody. Still a sassafras.

Looking forward to: Meeting our little guy! 

Alissha  

37 weeks

How far along? 37 weeks! 

Baby is the size of a: A winter melon, 19-22 inches long and about 6.5 pounds.

Total weight gain: 30 pounds. 

Stretch marks? Along with the one between my belly button piercing, I finally got a few small ones on my  sides. 

Maternity clothes? Everyday! Maternity pants/shorts, maxi skirts and dresses. 

Sleep: Still the same. I think I'm sleeping pretty decent considering how far along I am. 

Best moment this week: My last day of work! 

Miss anything? My ankles and skinny feet : (

Food cravings: No food cravings, but iced tea has been delicious this week.

Anything making you queasy or sick? Nope!

Gender: BOY!!!!! 

Labor signs: I had my first legitimate Braxton Hicks contraction this week and today I started losing my plug, which I'm not too concerned about because I know you can lose it several weeks before labor starts. 

Symptoms: The same that was happening last week. Peeing all the time, my ankle and foot swelling is still awful, I'm still getting those sharp pains in my inner thighs and now in my hooha and my breast are getting tender and sore. 

Belly button in or out?  It's slowly making itself an outtie. 

Wedding rings on or off: Off. I wear them on a necklace around my neck. 

Happy or moody most of the time:  Im equally happy and moody. Still a sassafras.

Looking forward to: Relaxing before our little man arrives, organizing and cleaning.......

My appetite is coming back and I can actually eat a full meal. Little man has definitely dropped and is putting pressure on my pelvis which is causing the pains in my thighs and hooha. I don't feel like he will arrive any time soon though. While I have moments where I'm in pain or uncomfortable, I'm still not at the point where I'm over being pregnant. I've loved being pregnant thus far and I know I'll miss it once Caleb is born. 

Alissha  

36 weeks

How far along? 36 weeks! 

Baby is the size of a: Large cantaloupe. 19-22 inches long and about 6 pounds.

Total weight gain: 29 pounds. 

Stretch marks? I have developed one tiny stretch mark in between the two holes where my belly button piercing was. The skin is super thin there, so it's not surprising and if that's the only one I get I'll graciously accept it! Other than that, I'm still drinking a ton of water and layering up with my Lush massage bar and lotions to try and prevent any more from developing.

Maternity clothes? Everyday! Maternity pants/shorts, maxi skirts and dresses. 

Sleep: Sleep would be amazing if I wasn't getting up 3-4 times a night to pee. I go back to sleep pretty quickly, so I can't complain too much. 

Best moment this week: My brother in law got married on Saturday and it was a beautiful wedding. Little man stayed put and I'm so thankful he didn't make an early arrival! 

Miss anything? My ankles and skinny feet : (

Food cravings: None this week. 

Anything making you queasy or sick? Nope! 

Gender: BOY!!!!! 

Labor signs: Not that I'm aware of. 

Symptoms: The same that was happening last week. Peeing all the time, my ankle and foot swelling has increased this week and it's disgusting, I'm still getting those sharp pains in my inner thighs that seem to be radiating to my hooha now. And I'm pretty sure little man has dropped. He's feeling pretty low. 

Belly button in or out?  It's slowly making itself an outtie. 

Wedding rings on or off: They are officially off as of last Thursday. It hurt so bad to get them on and then they were so uncomfortable I had to get them off.  They're now on a necklace around my neck. 

Happy or moody most of the time:  Im equally happy and moody. Still a sassafras.

Looking forward to: My last day of work. I. Can't. Wait. 

I am starting to get pretty uncomfortable and I know it's due to the swelling. I can't stand that my ankles have now turned into cankles and I have little sausages for toes.  I know I'll be the talk of the nail salon when I go get my pedicure and it's probably best I'll have no idea when they're making fun of my feet : / 

Caleb is officially head down and in position for the big day. We had a prenatal appointment this morning and everything looks good. Despite my swelling, my blood pressure is still great and there's no sign of preeclampsia. I just have to deal with the swelling. We're on weekly appointments now and if I go into labor at this point I wouldn't be given anything to stop contractions. I want little man to stay put for at least another week, but wouldn't mind if he made an appearance around 38 or 39 weeks ; ) 

Alissha